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or at the very least frustration and impatience, not exactly the healthiest set of ways to view my mistakes. as i sat in the meeting last night, listening to my peers share about their latest bouts of life on its own terms, i was struck about how shallow my latest **crisis** was in comparison. seriously, if all i have to get undies all bunched up about is: some squirrels trying to use my house as a rodent B&B, this recovery gig may actually be working. i shared my frustration with my repeat rodent offenders and i think i may have lightened the load of a few of my peers. i mention this today, because instead of saying “oops” when i heard my furry little house guests in my attic, i went down the path of, “i should have…”
yes this all rolls back to my mistake of trusting someone who was out to separate me from my well-earned money. the story goes something like this. IF i had been smart enough to detect the scam before sending any money off to Mexico, i would have had the money to have the attic “decontaminated” in December when i had the squirrels evicted the first time. them when the roofers disturbed the eave flashing, the squirrels would not have smelled that my attic was the place for them and work their into my house. shame, and more than a little bit of frustration, has been the feelings i get, when i consider how all of this related. when i actually consider where i may have been, even if i had the funds, i see that i would have been a cheap bastard, more than likely, and not do any more than what i had done in December. i would be sitting here feeling shame over taking the easier, softer way financially! there really is no “out” here, save for forgiving myself for being human and doubting that anyone really wants to give me money for nothing.
as i prepare to get ready to roll on out to work this morning, i feel quite sure that i will make a mistake or three across the course of this day. i also feel quite sure my instant response will be shame and frustration, as that is how i am wired, still to this day. what i wish to carry forward, just for today, is that making mistakes is part of being human and may actually indicate i am trying to do something new and different. it is a good day to look at my mistakes as “A.nother F.*cking O.pportunity for G.rowth,” and see what lesson i can glean from that experience.

∞ DT ∞