Blog entry for:

my conscious contact with the POWER that fuels my recovery. i have said it in the past and just for the sake of consistency i will say it again: these days i am not a big GOD kind of guy. that is not a denial nor a rationalization, it just is, as i am at a loss to explain in any detail exactly what the POWER that fuels my recovery happens to be. after fifteen years of struggling to define,. delineate and detail what that POWER is and is not, i finally surrendered to the fact that i did not know and accepted that i did not need to know. as a result of that spiritual awakening i could finally accept the gift of being intuitively aware of what is going on in my spiritual world. what i “feel” became more important than what i “know.” as i sat with a peer yesterday and went over their step work, the sense of calm and well-being that i had been feeling all day was enhanced and even though my fantasy team does not have a “big enough” cushion to guarantee a win for me, i am okay this morning knowing that a loss in that game does not define who i am.
i might hesitate in saying this, but i am more than certain that the feeling if calm and well-being, that has been present in my life lately has very little to do with what i think i know. yes i had a screed the other day about how some of my peers share, if it makes them feel better to “clump” their periods of abstinence together, than who am i to criticize. the fact is, i do not have to play that game, even though once upon a time, i certainly did have to, to feel better about myself. as the weather if far from ideal, and there are already peeps in the ditches, i think i will wrap this up and get headed down to the office a bit earlier than usual and see if i can walk through today, accepting others for who they are and accepting what i feel as part of being genuine, whole and self-aware.

∞ DT ∞