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today, my agenda is really not my own. i get to go pick up my Dad and take him home. i get to have a meeting with a man that calls me his sponsor and i am not sure what will be coming down the pike, when i trip back up to see my parents around dinner time. i also need to start my nicotine fast, as that time is fast approaching. so i feel a bit overwhelmed and i was more than a bit distracted at my home group meeting this morning. with all of that on the top of my head, it is hard to remember what it was i heard this morning when i contemplated the “ties that bind.” what i am “hearing” now, is that i can allow the world to spin as it will and that i can carry a message of recovery, to the still suffering addict.
i had to re-read the text i received the other night from one of those men who call me their sponsor, and based on the second, third and fourth readings, i am fairly certain that i have been put on hiatus from my sponsor relationship with him, or possibly fired. i am quite certain that he was not thrilled with me saying that i felt i invested more in his recovery than he was will to put in. it always saddens me, when an addict chooses mere abstinence over full blown recovery, but he would not be the first, nor do i expect him to be the last. working a program of recovery, at least for this addict, is by no means a “piece of cake.” i do remember when i thought “phoning” it in was “good enough,” and that attitude almost led me to relapse and much longer entanglement in the justice system. that experience was what i needed to get over the wall of denial i had built between and my recovery. maybe a similar experience will bring him back into the recovery fold.
do i have an agenda when i meet one-on-one with m,y peers or in a meeting? of course i do and that agenda would be to carry a clear, concise and welcoming message of recovery. do i follow that agenda? no really, as i often feel the “need” to respond to something i heard, without veering down the path of cross-talk or giving advice. so my goal often gets trumped by my emotions and gets lost in the chaff. today, i can remember that i do NOT know all that i may think i do and that maybe, just maybe it is time for me to be a bit more open to the experiences of my peers.
it is off to fetch my Dad, so just for today, i can allow myself to be okay with whatever happens as i traipse through the rest of this day.

∞ DT ∞