Blog entry for:

to be there for others, no matter how much or how little clean time they may have accumulated, just for today. it is odd, where this reading took me this morning. many in my local fellowship trust me with their stuff and up until now i have been very good about not spreading that crap around. this morning, i had the notion that maybe, just maybe, i NEED to do something to cause someone a whole lot hurt and exact my pound of flesh from them. after all, they “deserve” to be toppled off their high horse and i am more than willing to do so. when i considered where that was coming from, i was even more astounded, as usually when i sit, that sort of stuff does not bubble up to the surface. i am grateful that it did, as it gave me the opportunity to look it over, examine it and decide that just for today, it is not a course of action i have the desire to take. ironic how one of those behaviors that i came into recovery, practicing on a daily basis, can pop up after being so quiescent for so long. it demonstrates to me, that i am not as “well” as i may think i am. however, before i dive any deeper a quick shout out to one of my brothers in recovery:

Joel H.
FIVE (5) years clean!
CONGRATS and keep coming back.

leaving behind the less than spiritual notions, i can state that at the end of my second week without a job, i am a bit concerned. i am supposed to have a second interview with a potential employer, who gave me the “thumbs up” on moving forward, but i cannot get in touch with the recruiter that is supposed to be facilitating this meeting. i am not a patient man by nature and being an addict does nothing to help me be any more patient, i want what i want and i want it now. what is coming up right now, is that my frustration with how the process of finding a job is going, is allowing the opportunity to seek out the ways and means, to elevate myself at the expense of others, especially the most fragile ones. picking off that low-hanging fruit is not what i am about today and i think that i will pound that notion out of my head, by suiting up and getting some miles under my belt, in this cold and dreary winter's morning. after all, i have the desire to be the best version of myself, just for today.

∞ DT ∞