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and i wholeheartedly agree. nuff said, see you tomorrow!
simple but true, and i could quite well end it there, but i think i will go on about something that my tangential mind grasped upon when i allowed myself to get quiet enough to hear what was going on.
back when i was doing my best to separate myself from this pack of winners, i latched on this unity versus uniformity concept as a loophole, and the amazing part of that notion, is i have heard it from others since. i was not unique in thinking i had found a loophole, and i am certain, that as long as there are members, this will continue to be a stumbling block for others. i was lucky that i was desperate enough when it came time to make a real decision to think this one through before acting. whether by the grace of the POWER that fuels my recovery, FEAR of the justice system, or whatever, i did not walk through this loophole, and here i am today thinking about it.
the loophole? why the whole unity not uniformity gig. everything i have geared since walking into the rooms, is geared to me forming my own path of recovery. no one tells me what my concept of a HIGHER POWER should be or insists that i even have ONE, as atheists are welcomed and even have a voice in our literature. no one says i have to work the steps in any particular manner, or at all. there is no thought police to enforce the party line and the only requirement to belong, is a desire to stop using. all of this freedom to find my own path was a dangerous place for this addict, as i interpreted top mean, that i need not take any suggestions, and no one could stop me from showing up. i was correct in that line of thought, what i was missing was the concept of, &@8220; IF YOU WANT WHAT WE HAVE THEN…”
IF i wanted freedom from active addiction THEN i NEEDED to listen to what those who went before me suggested. IF i wanted a NEW MANNER OF LIVING, then i NEEDED to live the program. IF i wanted more than white-knuckle survival, THEN i NEEDED to open my mind to what was being offered. and IF i want to continue being a part of this way of life THEN i NEED to give it back, without strings and conditions, just as it was given to me.
man, all those conditions from a philosophy where none are imposed, what a system! my giving it back, in how i see it, without conditions and strings, is what is meant by unity, not uniformity. yes there are more than one way to work the STEPS, BUT for recovery to happen, the STEPS MUST BE WORKED. having a GOD is not a prerequisite for recovery, just an open-mind to seek something more powerful than my addiction. i can recover without participating in all the social aspects of the fellowship, while that means i GET to avoid the chaos of human interaction, it also means i might be lonely. and yes i do not have to listen to anyone else about how to structure my program, BUT i do so at my peril, as many others have walked this path before, and can offer insight into the pitfalls and traps in the road ahead.
as i can plainly see, it is up to me, to accept as much or as little as being offered. i can only get what i have gotten and continue to be given, if i accept the whole package, as half measures have never given me what i desired. today, i have no problem, and understand that while i am not forced to do anything, save have the desire to be a part of the fellowship. i am grateful for that PERIOD. i am also grateful that although there is no model for the recovering addict, there are many here who offer their experience, strength and hope, showing me a way of living beyond my wildest dreams. it is only through understanding and application of that ESH, that i have any chance at all, of living a program of active recovery. today, that i what i desire and will do what i can to listen for and implement the suggestions i get from others in recovery, whether they have 30 days or 30 years, every single one of them has something to teach me, my job is to let go, listen and learn, in the long run, it is all about me after all. so off to my next task of this fine Friday and into this new manner of living the best i can.

∞ DT ∞