Blog entry for:

to successfully carry the message is finally at the heart of my service experience. i have to admit, over the course of my recovery, my motives have been far from pure in any sense of the word. after my experience last year of seeing how well others wore the behaviors that i once claimed were for the good of the fellowship, i had to step back. in that moment i began to see what my real motives were and how to live by the ideals of the fellowship that has given me this life, rather than by what i thought made me “look good.” i also had to learn to forgive others and stop attempting to cast on motives on their outrageous behavior, especially since what goes on inside their little head is no bidness of mine.
as i was doing the service i have agreed to do the other night, i did have to wonder whether or not i was being successful at carrying the message and how do i measure that success. time and again that thought has haunted me and time and again i came to the conclusion that success meant that one or more of those to whom i am carrying the message, had to get and stay clean. this morning, listening to what was put on my heart, i see that is a selfish and self-centered test as it all relies on me and what i discern to be the outcome i desire. i may not be able to measure the success or failure of my service experience in any concrete terms, but i know i stayed clean and felt better about who i was, as i left the facility and headed home. perhaps the measure of my success needs to be, did they hear what i was saying and could it possibly lead into something more for them.
anyhow, i have an errand to run on my way to my home group. that means the time to post this little ditty and get moving is fast arriving. today and just for today, perhaps the words of encouragement i provide on social media to complete strangers will give them what they need for another day clean, perhaps not. i never know how much power i really exert in that arena,, but i do know that i will continue to let them know that i understand the struggle to stay clean and rearrange their lives to fit into what they need to do, to foster their recovery, just for today.

∞ DT ∞