Some memes

that people are untrustworthy, was cemented into stone due to my own lack of trustworthiness and the number of times i got burned by trusting the wrong person. no need to belabor that point as it seems to be one that is fairly consistent amongst all of my peers. in a week, i am considering taking a leap of FAITH and sharing one my deepest and darkest secrets, the one i carried for decades with a group of my peers at a camp-out in Wyoming. i know i have mentioned that recently, and as i consider it more and more, it seems like now just might be the right time to open up and see what happens. of course, a lot could happen between now and then that may provide better source material, but for now i will let that notion roll around in my head.
a second topic is how sick i have been making myself, mentally and emotionally, as i attempt to deal with STAGE 2A cancer. i am blaming my youthful self for the fact i have cancer and having issues forgiving myself for doing what i did, way back when. the payoff for me, is bouts of self-pity and the ability to shove aside the needs of everyone else in my life, because … that might also be a theme to weave into what i might share next week, that long term recovery does not equal anything but another day clean. even someone with a minute clean, can dive deep into the pool of self-pity seeking an excuse to do “just one.”
whatever i end up sharing about next week, i have FAITH that it will be the perfect thing that i NEED to share and that if i am honest and open about it, those who hear my message may get some inspiration from it. anyhow, right here and right now, this addict requires a nap and so it is off to dreamland i go, considering that i cannot alter the past, i have cancer. i may be able to influence the future, but i do not have to spin in my head about the what-ifs, just for today.

∞ DT ∞