Some memes

and even hostile to people, is certainly an apt description of who i was when i walked into the rooms. i used to joke about being an equal-opportunity hater, as i hated everyone, regardless of race, creed, or religion. people, in my opinion, simply sucked. everyone was put on this Earth to do my bidding and when they “forgot” that fact, well one might say i was more than a bit pissed off. the upshot of all of that, is that i walked around, always angry and ready to tip into rage in a single instant. i am surprised i survived active addiction without stroking out. these days, the targets of my ire has been reduced and i no longer walk the streets, ready to explode.
here is where i can start my litany of those folks i find distasteful ,but to what end, most of them are white and male, just like i am, and are the beneficiaries of White Male Privilege. as i consider whether or not to continue to work in the field i have been a part of, for several years, or take off in a new direction, it is good for me to consider what biases and prejudices are driving my decision-making process today. professionally that is a great direction to go in. in my recovery life, looking at what it is about those peers, whom i find irksome, is more relevant to what i heard in the reading this morning. quite honestly, those members who are stuck in the what once was and cannot accept that the what is, is keeping newcomers in the rooms these days, are amongst those i want to pitch into the shitcan of my prejudice and walk away. i know, that is a suit i used to wear with pride, protecting the “purity” of the program without any regard of what that message was saying to the newest members. today, after seeing the errors of my ways, i understand that times have changed and if i want to live in harmony with my peers in recovery, then i need to change as well.
so it is off to the cigar store for several hours as i have kept myself home-bound most of this week. i really do like not having to be at work day in and day out. i am sleeping better, my workouts are more productive and yes, i am happier. perhaps this is the pink cloud i did not get when i was first clean. even so, i am going to enjoy the ride and not worry about when or if it will evaporate. it is a great day to be clean and be part of the what is.

∞ DT ∞