Some memes

in service to my fellowship, i often get caught up in my reasons why chose it. how pure is my motivation? how involved is my ego? when i was young in recovery, these questions were moot. i knew i was serving to look better in the eyes of my peers, no ifs, ands or buts about it. when i felt overwhelmed with the time these various commitments took from my life, i remembered it was about building a “legacy” in my growing local fellowship and when my place in history was secure, i could rest on my laurels and be appreciated for what i had accomplished. even after a decade serving in that mode i never arrived where i wanted to be, and my identity was now tied to service first. i may have resisted my sponsor's suggestion to step back to being invisible in the service world, as in serving the addict who still suffered one-on-one or in a less public manner, but after due consideration, i found myself doing just that.
i am grateful today, that i still serve my fellowship and do so way out of the public eye. i have decoupled my identity from being the “service guy,” and found a new place in the anonymity of the fellowship. i want to be of service to the still suffering addict, even when it means driving thirty-five minutes to carry a meeting into a place i swore i would never return to. ironically, i probably have spent more hours in those places as a volunteer, than i ever did when i was running and gunning.
amongst the ways i serve, is to engage with my peers, in deep and ongoing conversations via text. one in particular started reaching out to me, out of the blue. our most recent conversation started with God's will versus self-will, and ended up being about living in FAITH. my spiritual path does not emphasize FAITH, prayer or a HIGHER POWER, but does not preclude it. as a result, i can be okay knowing that if i pay attention, chances are, i will get all i need, without asking for it. his, on the other hand is all about those three notions and i do my best not to ask him why he struggles with those, as it is part and parcel of his spiritual path. that dichotomy certainly leads down all sorts of interesting paths.
anyway, i took the morning off to climb a local peak and it is time to take care of my bidness, as even though i might be living in the FAITH that i will get what i need, it does not mean that it will come without me doing the footwork. so it is off to the job boards to see what i can apply for today. i m grateful that i am fit enough and mentally shape enough, to live this life, with its various ups and down, just for today.

∞ DT ∞