π what matters πΆ
Posted: Wed, Aug 6, 2025 10:12:23 AM
most are the actions i take, day after day, month after month and so on...
i was not born to meditate, take a breath before responding, defer gratification or treat others with respect and kindness. getting clean was not my idea and i did all that i could, to disqualify myself. i was not one of the lucky ones who get “struck clean– and the suggestions that i received about getting to a meeting every day for the first ninety days and staying clean between meetings, was the first bit of any sort of discipline i subjected myself to, in a very long time. this spiritual hew-hah i heard about in the rooms, was not for me. i kept coming back because there was something attractive about a bunch of addicts getting clean and appearing to be happy about that fact.
many days later, i have implemented a spiritual discipline in my life that keeps me clean, sane and offers a sort of balance i could never achieve while using. since i do my best, not to see myself through the eyes of others, my only gauge of how well this may be working in my life, is the lack of disapproving body language and words from those with whom i share my life. the other gauge is how i feel as i go through my day. my fitness tracker may indicate that i am stressed, but in reality that stress is a physical reaction to heat, nicotine and caffeine.
kind of at a loss for words today, so i think i will wrap this one up by saying i am grateful that i kept trying to meditate until i could do so. i am grateful that i learned to respond, rather than react. i am grateful that i am beginning to feel the fact that when i attribute a bad behavior to the character of someone who crosses my path, i am actually judging myself. life may not be all that i want it to be today, but a life in recovery is better than any life i had before that fateful day that i decided i was an addict and wanted to do something about it. it is a good day to be clean and practice a discipline of spirituality.
i was not born to meditate, take a breath before responding, defer gratification or treat others with respect and kindness. getting clean was not my idea and i did all that i could, to disqualify myself. i was not one of the lucky ones who get “struck clean– and the suggestions that i received about getting to a meeting every day for the first ninety days and staying clean between meetings, was the first bit of any sort of discipline i subjected myself to, in a very long time. this spiritual hew-hah i heard about in the rooms, was not for me. i kept coming back because there was something attractive about a bunch of addicts getting clean and appearing to be happy about that fact.
many days later, i have implemented a spiritual discipline in my life that keeps me clean, sane and offers a sort of balance i could never achieve while using. since i do my best, not to see myself through the eyes of others, my only gauge of how well this may be working in my life, is the lack of disapproving body language and words from those with whom i share my life. the other gauge is how i feel as i go through my day. my fitness tracker may indicate that i am stressed, but in reality that stress is a physical reaction to heat, nicotine and caffeine.
kind of at a loss for words today, so i think i will wrap this one up by saying i am grateful that i kept trying to meditate until i could do so. i am grateful that i learned to respond, rather than react. i am grateful that i am beginning to feel the fact that when i attribute a bad behavior to the character of someone who crosses my path, i am actually judging myself. life may not be all that i want it to be today, but a life in recovery is better than any life i had before that fateful day that i decided i was an addict and wanted to do something about it. it is a good day to be clean and practice a discipline of spirituality.
∞ DT ∞