ฮฑ my connection with the world, and with reality itself, was severed. ฯ
Posted: Wed, Jan 24, 2007 07:30:12 AM
the program helps reconnect me to the life i was meant to live, drawing me out of my isolation.
although there are some days when i would just like to be left alone, isolated in a cocoon of numbing comfortable bliss. this morning is the start of such a day. man there are so many demands and requests for my time today that i am doing my best to restart my day over and over again. the honest truth is with all the stuff going on in my personal and professional life, i am more than a bit overwhelmed. i do not feel like using, nor do i feel like going out and having an affair, or going out shopping to find some new toy. HOWEVER, i am in the mood just to withdraw into place where no one can find me and just vegetate for hours on end.
DEEP BREATH -- CLOSE MY EYES -- RELAX -- LET GO
okay i feel a little less overwhelmed and ready to move forward into my day, sort of! anyhow although i may feel like i NEED to withdraw and isolate, i know that course of action will only delay and distract me from doing what i really have committed to do. i understand today that is the part of me i call my disease telling me the lies it has always used against me to get me to fail. failure is always an option, but today, right here and right now i am more in the place where i am going to do my best to accomplish what i need to accomplish before i lay down to sleep this evening. yes it will be hectic, and yes i may not get everything done that has been requested of me, BUT i will not withdraw into a place where no one can find me, and i will not isolate myself physically, spiritually and emotionally. after all i now realize that my life is not really my own anymore, it is in the care of a POWER far greater than i, and that power is not the disease of addiction. and that little fact, a bit of FAITH and practicing a bit responsibility will get me through today and let me decide if once again i will do whatever it takes to stay clean in this twenty-four hour period.
although there are some days when i would just like to be left alone, isolated in a cocoon of numbing comfortable bliss. this morning is the start of such a day. man there are so many demands and requests for my time today that i am doing my best to restart my day over and over again. the honest truth is with all the stuff going on in my personal and professional life, i am more than a bit overwhelmed. i do not feel like using, nor do i feel like going out and having an affair, or going out shopping to find some new toy. HOWEVER, i am in the mood just to withdraw into place where no one can find me and just vegetate for hours on end.
DEEP BREATH -- CLOSE MY EYES -- RELAX -- LET GO
okay i feel a little less overwhelmed and ready to move forward into my day, sort of! anyhow although i may feel like i NEED to withdraw and isolate, i know that course of action will only delay and distract me from doing what i really have committed to do. i understand today that is the part of me i call my disease telling me the lies it has always used against me to get me to fail. failure is always an option, but today, right here and right now i am more in the place where i am going to do my best to accomplish what i need to accomplish before i lay down to sleep this evening. yes it will be hectic, and yes i may not get everything done that has been requested of me, BUT i will not withdraw into a place where no one can find me, and i will not isolate myself physically, spiritually and emotionally. after all i now realize that my life is not really my own anymore, it is in the care of a POWER far greater than i, and that power is not the disease of addiction. and that little fact, a bit of FAITH and practicing a bit responsibility will get me through today and let me decide if once again i will do whatever it takes to stay clean in this twenty-four hour period.
∞ DT ∞