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i strive to look at my part in these frictions. just the writing of my inventory will release some of that pressure, but i must also share this inventory with another human being. so this feels like another sneaky way to talk about the Fourth and Fifth Steps, instead of relationships. and i could easily go in that direction. i could also totally ignore that aspect of the reading and focus on the whole relationships part of the reading. after all, this is about the only line in the Basic Text that uses the"R" word. what really struck me most this morning was a hybrid of both of these topics, namely the mini-inventory the three questions in the reading speaks about. somewhere in my life i learned people were unreliable, undependable and just downright selfish, as a result i came to recovery with extremely low expectations of my fellow travelers, as ma matter of fact i had learned that the only person i could rely on to meet my needs was me PERIOD! my first sponsor and i hashed this particular issue out for a long time, after all, based on my experience how could i EVER TRUST anyone. after some time, i finally gave up and like a typical addict who sees the world in black and white i swung to the exact opposite, people were generally reliable, dependable and altruistic. the results? well my first Fourth Step was loaded with resentments based on unmet expectations. only after sharing this particular inventory was i capable of starting to see the shades of grey that existed from the two diametrically opposed world views.
the end result is that i still have unmet expectations in many of my relationships, BUT after a bit of thought can decide whether i accept them as human beings flaws and all, or carry a resentment. i am still intolerant, but most of the time i can keep my opinions to myself, and allow myself to process what is going on, rather than jumping down someone’s throat. and yes i still impose a set of standards based on my values on others, but i do not have to stay there either, after all, my values are mine, and may or may not be shared by the world in general. so although all of that still goes on, my journey through recovery has given me a new way of dealing with it, internally and in those interactions with others in the here and now.
so life is good today, i have hope that i can get through today without forming a new resentment and those with whom i interact can have a similar outcome. it si afyer all a good day to recover.

∞ DT ∞