🕳 recovery does 🕴
Posted: Tue, Apr 14, 2026 11:59:03 AM
not happen in a vacuum. living clean is all about relationships: with myself, with my loved ones, with my peers in recovery, with society and ultimately with the POWER that fuels my recovery. when i woke up this morning, i did not believe i would be writing about relationships of any sort, much less all of them. when oi went to the well of my source material, i did not like either of the topics as the frame for my day, so random chance brought up this particular passage and <BOOM> here we are. i certainly have had my share of relationships in my life and before recovery, most of them were far from healthy ones, even those with my loved ones.
sitting here this morning, wondering how i got to where i am today, i do have a bit of gratitude for the relationships that have come from my recovery journey. one of my Dad''s two remaining brothers dies over the weekend and i am off to Montana next week to attend his service. quite honestly i would not have any interest in anything in Montana, much less with my Dad''s family. when i got clean, and i attended the funeral of my Dad''s Mom in Montana, i made a connection with the family i saw only once in a while. that was more than enough, as i could only drink with them and drinking,while certainty part of my pharmacopoeia was the last thing i really wanted to do. i hated being drunk, but it was an okay substitute for getting high. finding a connection to family and creating long term and healthy relationships with those i dismissed in the past, is certainly something for which i am grateful. the payoff, as it were? i get to spend time with them, i was invited into their home and i will be riding with them up to the funeral. what i never dreamed was possible all those days ago, a healthy relationships with my cousins, has come to pass. it is more than ironic that i have the desire to be there for my family.
the one relationship that has yet to be restored to anything closer to healthy, is the relationship with myself. it is true, i have made great strides in becoming and showing to the world, who i am and what i am about. yet, there is still a part of me that wonders if this is merely a detour into fantasy that will explodes into the reality of being the sort of person who uses himself and others without any concern or remorse. i know how insane that may sound and as i get through this set of steps, i HOPE, yes there is that word, that part of my insanity is lifted from my life. just for today, however, i will be okay with what i have and where i am. i am grateful that my relationships are deep, abiding and no longer transactional. i can give with no expectation of return and receive without feeling indebted.
sitting here this morning, wondering how i got to where i am today, i do have a bit of gratitude for the relationships that have come from my recovery journey. one of my Dad''s two remaining brothers dies over the weekend and i am off to Montana next week to attend his service. quite honestly i would not have any interest in anything in Montana, much less with my Dad''s family. when i got clean, and i attended the funeral of my Dad''s Mom in Montana, i made a connection with the family i saw only once in a while. that was more than enough, as i could only drink with them and drinking,while certainty part of my pharmacopoeia was the last thing i really wanted to do. i hated being drunk, but it was an okay substitute for getting high. finding a connection to family and creating long term and healthy relationships with those i dismissed in the past, is certainly something for which i am grateful. the payoff, as it were? i get to spend time with them, i was invited into their home and i will be riding with them up to the funeral. what i never dreamed was possible all those days ago, a healthy relationships with my cousins, has come to pass. it is more than ironic that i have the desire to be there for my family.
the one relationship that has yet to be restored to anything closer to healthy, is the relationship with myself. it is true, i have made great strides in becoming and showing to the world, who i am and what i am about. yet, there is still a part of me that wonders if this is merely a detour into fantasy that will explodes into the reality of being the sort of person who uses himself and others without any concern or remorse. i know how insane that may sound and as i get through this set of steps, i HOPE, yes there is that word, that part of my insanity is lifted from my life. just for today, however, i will be okay with what i have and where i am. i am grateful that my relationships are deep, abiding and no longer transactional. i can give with no expectation of return and receive without feeling indebted.
∞ DT ∞