α being honest? well now, that should not be too difficult …
Posted: Sun, Jun 21, 2009 04:22:00 PM
all i have to do is stop lying. the devil, as one may hear is in the details. i really meant to write this several hours ago, before getting into this day of vacation, but one thing lead to another so here i sit at dinner time contemplating honesty. so as i sit here, waiting for the afternoon shower to pass, i am struck by this once again. for me, telling lies because i was not very good at telling bald face lies, i adjusted my behavior to learn how to lie by omission. provide just enough of the truth to leave the impression i wished to leave. the beauty of this method was that i could rationalize away my dishonesty by telling myself that i did tell the truth after all, so what was the harm?
well that lie, that there was no harm, was meant to protect me from myself. even though i thought i was beyond the recriminations of conscience, underneath my cool calm exterior, i was still a moral person, who suffered each time i violated that moral code, such as it was in the long run. so when i come to these readings about honesty, i can go in several directions, what i came down to today was dealing with the terms rationalizations and justifications. i have come to understand that for me, those two words mean LIES, pure and simple, when i use those terms, i am telling myself a lie, to protect myself from myself. there is a lie in that too. i no longer need to protect myself, my fragile ego, or my limited self-esteem, by telling lies yo myself. there is however a certain comfort in that behavior, i know that, but i also know that comfortable as it is, i can choose to do so or not. so as i return to my family, i will sign off with this thought, just for today, i do not need to lie to myself to feel better, it is better to suffer the slings and arrows of the pain of a bit of honesty than having to clean-up the damage of my lies to myself and others. so back to vacation and chillaxing!
well that lie, that there was no harm, was meant to protect me from myself. even though i thought i was beyond the recriminations of conscience, underneath my cool calm exterior, i was still a moral person, who suffered each time i violated that moral code, such as it was in the long run. so when i come to these readings about honesty, i can go in several directions, what i came down to today was dealing with the terms rationalizations and justifications. i have come to understand that for me, those two words mean LIES, pure and simple, when i use those terms, i am telling myself a lie, to protect myself from myself. there is a lie in that too. i no longer need to protect myself, my fragile ego, or my limited self-esteem, by telling lies yo myself. there is however a certain comfort in that behavior, i know that, but i also know that comfortable as it is, i can choose to do so or not. so as i return to my family, i will sign off with this thought, just for today, i do not need to lie to myself to feel better, it is better to suffer the slings and arrows of the pain of a bit of honesty than having to clean-up the damage of my lies to myself and others. so back to vacation and chillaxing!
∞ DT ∞