Blog entry for:
Thu, Jun 21, 2007 02:02:56 PM
∞ in the resulting stillness, i must listen for truth. ∞
posted: Thu, Jun 21, 2007 02:02:56 PM
when i become silent, self-honesty will be there for me to find.
what this reading seems to imply is that unless i work an active eleventh step i will not be able to find the self-honesty i need to continue my recovery. so here is one of those loopholes for me to dive through. all i have to do is stop actively working step eleven and i can return to self-deceit. coolio, julio! not only will the truth about myself not set me free, i can actively pursue the means for spinning a web of lies about myself.
and while all of that is very good, the actual truth is that web of lies would eventually take me to the place where i would no longer care to choose to stay clean another day. that is a place i am not overly fond of arriving at any day soon. i take a bit of exception with the eleventh step being the heart of self-honesty. looking at and letting go of my past in steps four through nine, set the stage for step eleven. working those steps allowed me for the first time since i started using to see me for who i really was. was is the operative word here that man, as revealed in my very first cycle of twelve steps is no longer around. what is left is a new person, who is overcoming the ravages of his active addiction. i am far from perfect, and yet i am better than i was six months ago, or even ninety days ago. things are progressing and among the lies that i tell myself, or rather the part of me i call my disease, is that i will never be anything more than the shell of the person who entered recovery all those days ago. the eleventh step helps dispel that silly notion. after all, that person did not have a clue what a spiritual principle was nor did he care. all he wanted to do, was to do whatever it took to get high in that moment. sort of ironic about how in active addiction i lived in the moment, fix to fix, BUT always obsessing about how to get more. well the moment i live in today allows for beauty, plans, dreams and goals. so back to the my slightly frustrating day, and in a moment of self-honesty i am glad to be meeting with my sponsor this evening to further the step process.
what this reading seems to imply is that unless i work an active eleventh step i will not be able to find the self-honesty i need to continue my recovery. so here is one of those loopholes for me to dive through. all i have to do is stop actively working step eleven and i can return to self-deceit. coolio, julio! not only will the truth about myself not set me free, i can actively pursue the means for spinning a web of lies about myself.
and while all of that is very good, the actual truth is that web of lies would eventually take me to the place where i would no longer care to choose to stay clean another day. that is a place i am not overly fond of arriving at any day soon. i take a bit of exception with the eleventh step being the heart of self-honesty. looking at and letting go of my past in steps four through nine, set the stage for step eleven. working those steps allowed me for the first time since i started using to see me for who i really was. was is the operative word here that man, as revealed in my very first cycle of twelve steps is no longer around. what is left is a new person, who is overcoming the ravages of his active addiction. i am far from perfect, and yet i am better than i was six months ago, or even ninety days ago. things are progressing and among the lies that i tell myself, or rather the part of me i call my disease, is that i will never be anything more than the shell of the person who entered recovery all those days ago. the eleventh step helps dispel that silly notion. after all, that person did not have a clue what a spiritual principle was nor did he care. all he wanted to do, was to do whatever it took to get high in that moment. sort of ironic about how in active addiction i lived in the moment, fix to fix, BUT always obsessing about how to get more. well the moment i live in today allows for beauty, plans, dreams and goals. so back to the my slightly frustrating day, and in a moment of self-honesty i am glad to be meeting with my sponsor this evening to further the step process.
∞ DT ∞
The views expressed on this page are solely the opinion of the author.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
Another Look!
another day 129 words ➥ Monday, June 21, 2004 by: donnotδ what to listen for δ 292 words ➥ Tuesday, June 21, 2005 by: donnot
Δ the kind of honesty that is truly indispensable in recovery ... δ 196 words ➥ Wednesday, June 21, 2006 by: donnot
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α being honest? well now, that should not be too difficult … 385 words ➥ Sunday, June 21, 2009 by: donnot
→ i have been and can still be an expert ← 603 words ➥ Monday, June 21, 2010 by: donnot
‹ i will be quiet and still, listening for the voice of truth within myself › 666 words ➥ Tuesday, June 21, 2011 by: donnot
♦ i have been, and certainly still can be, ♦ 549 words ➥ Thursday, June 21, 2012 by: donnot
£ to become honest with myself, £ 469 words ➥ Friday, June 21, 2013 by: donnot
℘ well now, that should not be too difficult. ℘ 360 words ➥ Saturday, June 21, 2014 by: donnot
∫ all i have to do ∫ 754 words ➥ Sunday, June 21, 2015 by: donnot
↭ an expert at ↭ 852 words ➥ Tuesday, June 21, 2016 by: donnot
🌈 the small, 🎁 516 words ➥ Wednesday, June 21, 2017 by: donnot
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☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯
by Lao-Tse
Translated by James Legge
Book 2
3) Therefore when the sovereign occupies his place as the Son of Heaven,
and he has appointed his three ducal ministers, though (a prince)
were to send in a round symbol-of-rank large enough to fill both the
hands, and that as the precursor of the team of horses (in the court-yard),
such an offering would not be equal to (a lesson of) this Tao, which
one might present on his knees.