Blog entry for:

so yesterday was about listening during meditation and today is about listening for the truth within, kind of a matched set! i know i still have a problem or three when it comes to the truth about myself. i have no problem with figuring out the truth about other people, but when i think i know the truth about myself i find that sometimes it is what i want to believe and not what the actual truth is.
my biggest problem with the truth about myself, is that over the course of my lifetime i have built-up a belief system about who and what i am, that is not necessarily accurate or even close to the truth. i can still engage in the self-deceptive practice of rationalizing away those pieces of evidence that seem to dispute the belief structure that i have so carefully constructed. so for me, i need to let go of what i think is true and allow the real truth about who and what i am replace that structure.
this is no easy task, the internal conversation that runs non-stop within me is constantly buttressing that structure with yet another brick of evidence that seems to fit. step work and recovery, is the wrecking ball that destroys whole sections of that structure in a seemingly random manner, leaving it precariously close to falling apart altogether. and that is where FEAR steps in and does quick fixes to shore-up the existing structure, after all if i destroy my belief system about myself what will be left? HOW ABOUT THE PERSON THAT GOD HAS ALWAYS INTENDED ME TO BE! quite a concept to swallow this early in the morning, but definitely one to chew on!
∞ DT ∞