ยฆ the STEPS are my road to spiritual growth ยฆ
Posted: Mon, Aug 16, 2010 11:18:20 AM
this growth is not the result of wishing but of action and prayer. of course i want to join the choir and spout the party line about how much the steps have changed my life and how my experience has been that when i stop working the steps i backslide into unacceptable behaviors and attitudes. yes all of that is true, and yes i totally agree, but what is the point when all i do is parrot what i have taught.
so basically, i could stop right here and right now, as i have nothing new to add to this topic. or i could as i think i will expand on some of my latest growth experiences. it is interesting to me, that over the past few weeks, working has not been what i want to do. i want to be able to do absolutely nothing and still get paid for it, in fact, my attitude has been creeping towards one of entitlement, i am entitled to do nothing and get paid for it. this an obvious symptom of my current spiritual condition, one that is not being furthered by my having to wait for my sponsor to recover from surgery, BUT it is not his fault! much as i would like to, the blame sits squarely on my shoulders, i knew he was going to have surgery and yet i procrastinated until the very last second. so am i stuck well, only i i wish to be, it is true, that my current step work is on hold. i do, however, have recovery work that can be done here and now. what i NEED to do, is to recognize and accept what is happening, and be more diligent in my maintenance step work, namely steps 10, 11, and 12. which means, that i have to stop phoning them in, and focus on making them as relevant to my life today, as when i was formally working them. so just for today, i think i will rededicate myself to those steps and see what happens. i also believe i will add one more meeting to my schedule this week, so it will be off to Boulder this evening to do just that.
and as i was griping about not working, it does be time for me to get back at it. this adventure may be a few hours old already, but that does not mean it is complete by any stretch of the imagination. so it is back to the grind.
so basically, i could stop right here and right now, as i have nothing new to add to this topic. or i could as i think i will expand on some of my latest growth experiences. it is interesting to me, that over the past few weeks, working has not been what i want to do. i want to be able to do absolutely nothing and still get paid for it, in fact, my attitude has been creeping towards one of entitlement, i am entitled to do nothing and get paid for it. this an obvious symptom of my current spiritual condition, one that is not being furthered by my having to wait for my sponsor to recover from surgery, BUT it is not his fault! much as i would like to, the blame sits squarely on my shoulders, i knew he was going to have surgery and yet i procrastinated until the very last second. so am i stuck well, only i i wish to be, it is true, that my current step work is on hold. i do, however, have recovery work that can be done here and now. what i NEED to do, is to recognize and accept what is happening, and be more diligent in my maintenance step work, namely steps 10, 11, and 12. which means, that i have to stop phoning them in, and focus on making them as relevant to my life today, as when i was formally working them. so just for today, i think i will rededicate myself to those steps and see what happens. i also believe i will add one more meeting to my schedule this week, so it will be off to Boulder this evening to do just that.
and as i was griping about not working, it does be time for me to get back at it. this adventure may be a few hours old already, but that does not mean it is complete by any stretch of the imagination. so it is back to the grind.
∞ DT ∞