โฆ i have been given much in my recovery, and I am deeply grateful for it โฆ
Posted: Thu, Dec 15, 2011 07:55:09 AM
TAKE TWO:
i am certainly having a problem or two getting this going this morning. there is a lot on my mind, and trying to shift from a big decision to the topic at hand is not quite working. what i think i will do instead is talk about what is on the top of the stack and let the other stuff go to the sit until it bubbles up to the top.
this is a big tricky, as this is an unprotected page and anyone can red it, but as i look at my life, i am once again struck by what my most precious resource happens to be. it is not the bucks in my bank account, although those are important. it really come down to the time i have, and how that time will be spent. i want to have a future stream of income, and i have been juggling all sorts of work trying to keep everyone satisfies, as well as have a life and first and foremost, protect that life from the destructive force of the part of me i call addiction. the way things are going around me at my current gig, i do not have any sense of security, as two of the contractors i work with are no longer there, and this has happened since Monday. so the pile of work i have on my desk at home, all of a sudden looms very large, not that there is a whole lot there, but the urgency to get it done is building. i am trying to hear what the next right step may happen to he, and for some reason i keep hearing wait, do not cut anything off, more will be revealed. patience is not my strong suit, and waiting for a bit of clarity is not something that comes easily for me. i will however, follow my inner sense on this, and perhaps by the time i arrive home today i will have a sense of what, if any action i need to take.
yes, that was a good idea, now back to the topic at hand. i usually have very little interaction with my fellow travelers before 7 AM, however the past two days have been an exception to what normally happens. in fact the first and a lot people i spoke to yesterday were friends in recovery. that my day was bracketed by such interaction goes directly to the topic today, i had time, my most precious resource, that i was willing to share with them, without expecting anything in return. this morning, another addict, was at the bus stop and i also had something to share with hying to figure out what all those events may mean is something i lack the time to do, so what that means, at least to me, is to just go with the flow and see what is put into my life next. i need to kick back and allow the POWER that fuels my recovery to care for my will and my life, without conditions or caveats. as tough as that sounds, it is the simplest thing to do. the action i need to take is to get to work, give them my best for the time they pay me to be here working, and have FAITH, that what needs to be, will be. everything else can wait and if during the course of the day, events dictate that i NEED to shift gears, then i will allow myself to do so as well. that is one of then greatest gifts i have gotten as a result of a program of recovery. the ability to be a bit flexible and shift my priorities as the ay goes forward. i may or may not get a call, i may or may not get a text, but what i will get is guidance fro what i need to do, if i pay attention to that here an now, or in the vernacular in real-time. what i am being told to do right now, is to wrap this up, pack it up and get my white a$$ to work. and i am okay with that as well.
i am certainly having a problem or two getting this going this morning. there is a lot on my mind, and trying to shift from a big decision to the topic at hand is not quite working. what i think i will do instead is talk about what is on the top of the stack and let the other stuff go to the sit until it bubbles up to the top.
this is a big tricky, as this is an unprotected page and anyone can red it, but as i look at my life, i am once again struck by what my most precious resource happens to be. it is not the bucks in my bank account, although those are important. it really come down to the time i have, and how that time will be spent. i want to have a future stream of income, and i have been juggling all sorts of work trying to keep everyone satisfies, as well as have a life and first and foremost, protect that life from the destructive force of the part of me i call addiction. the way things are going around me at my current gig, i do not have any sense of security, as two of the contractors i work with are no longer there, and this has happened since Monday. so the pile of work i have on my desk at home, all of a sudden looms very large, not that there is a whole lot there, but the urgency to get it done is building. i am trying to hear what the next right step may happen to he, and for some reason i keep hearing wait, do not cut anything off, more will be revealed. patience is not my strong suit, and waiting for a bit of clarity is not something that comes easily for me. i will however, follow my inner sense on this, and perhaps by the time i arrive home today i will have a sense of what, if any action i need to take.
yes, that was a good idea, now back to the topic at hand. i usually have very little interaction with my fellow travelers before 7 AM, however the past two days have been an exception to what normally happens. in fact the first and a lot people i spoke to yesterday were friends in recovery. that my day was bracketed by such interaction goes directly to the topic today, i had time, my most precious resource, that i was willing to share with them, without expecting anything in return. this morning, another addict, was at the bus stop and i also had something to share with hying to figure out what all those events may mean is something i lack the time to do, so what that means, at least to me, is to just go with the flow and see what is put into my life next. i need to kick back and allow the POWER that fuels my recovery to care for my will and my life, without conditions or caveats. as tough as that sounds, it is the simplest thing to do. the action i need to take is to get to work, give them my best for the time they pay me to be here working, and have FAITH, that what needs to be, will be. everything else can wait and if during the course of the day, events dictate that i NEED to shift gears, then i will allow myself to do so as well. that is one of then greatest gifts i have gotten as a result of a program of recovery. the ability to be a bit flexible and shift my priorities as the ay goes forward. i may or may not get a call, i may or may not get a text, but what i will get is guidance fro what i need to do, if i pay attention to that here an now, or in the vernacular in real-time. what i am being told to do right now, is to wrap this up, pack it up and get my white a$$ to work. and i am okay with that as well.
∞ DT ∞