Blog entry for:

of sharing.
as many of you know, i participate in a fantasy football league, with very mixed results. i play it for fun, but at times in borders on obsession. anyhow, due to bad breaks and poor decisions on my part, throughout the season, i was eliminated from the playoffs last week. yes, i know bummer, i could scream and kick and cry, but in the end, i lost because of the choices i made, and i do not play that game with the eye on the prize. for me, it is a social interaction with the men who participate in the league more than the money. yes, $500.00 would be nice, i would lie if i said anything else. i have one came left in the consolation round and BOOM, the season is over. this year we had more than our fair share of drama at the start of the season, and although the decisions that we as a league made in August were made, across the course of the season, we came to regret them, and there were those who were afraid that we would be handing someone a death sentence, if they ended up winning. i often had FAITH, that whatever happened, would be what needed to happen, and the most at risk of our league owners, made some poor decisions and ended up losing in the first round of playoffs, to the lowest seed. let me just say this, what he shared on social media was not very spiritual. losing graciously was apparently not part of his plan. this is all leading up to what i shared way back when and how that has changed as i stayed clean and worked a program of active recovery.
am i some sort of fVcking spiritual guru or giant? HELL NO!
do i just share the message and avoid sharing the mess? SOME of the time.
do i walk on water and have beams of light radiating from my a$$? nope, not today.
what i do have, is the ability to look at my part in the world around me, and how i am feeling. when i came to the rooms i was miserable, and what i shared was that misery, in abundance. i was clueless to the abundance that recovery was going to offer me, and i am speaking of the spiritual and emotional abundance, although there were times when i wished i had received a little less of the emotional abundance side. be that as it may, as i began to tap into that source, for me that tap was a just a pinhole into which i placed a teeny, tiny little straw, i began to feel as if i could be more than miserable in my life. i began to feel HOPE, for the first time since i was a teenager and i finally had something other than mess and misery to share with my peers, friends, family members and acquaintances. not a whole lot mind you, as i was still more than ambivalent about actually committing to a program of recovery. today? well today i have changed and certainly for the better. i have joy and hope in my life, and i can give that away. i have a proven program of recovery that i am willing to share with anyone who wants it and i have a whole lot of bad fantasy football advice that is free for the taking.
what i do not have is the prison of self made misery, constructed from my unmet expectations, resentments and fears. what i do not have is active addiction, running my life. most of all, what i do not have is the NEED to blame others for my faux pas and missteps i take along the way. i take responsibility for my life and for my actions today, and if i need to spew? well i doubt you will find that on social media! today it is a good day toi be clean and part of my life, practicing an active program of recovery.

∞ DT ∞