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this morning however, i am far from grateful about the ordeal of watching someone lord their self-will and build their prestige with less than sincere apologies for disregarding the means to achieve their desired ends. i am still not sure what the rush was all about to get this done, but it is done and the next steps to address my feelings are on me. after far too many days, renting space in my head to this teeny-tiny dictator, i can finally let go and allow myself the freedom to share be okay with what is. in the long run, carrying any sort of emotional baggage over this, is far from a healthy decision for me. at least it is over and i get to CHOOSE if i want to be anywhere near them, from here on out. hopefully they can bask in the warm glow of appreciation, until everyone moves on to the next “hero,” and trust me, they will.
when i get past all of that and start to consider my life and my recovery, i can see that i was using the behavior of someone else as a distraction. my own “issues” such as they are, can now loom a whole lot larger, now that i have the boogey man out of my life. what i have not been doing, is openly sharing what is going on with me. working my hardest to find a bit of balance in my life has not been a priority, as i was caught up in turning back the infidels at the door. what i now feel i need to do, is to call my sponsor and get moving on my step work. holding my breath for a public apology from someone who does not see that they did anything wrong, will only turn me blue and make me pass out. picking up the strands of what has been lacking in my life, on the other hand will certainly get me moving back towards the light of recovery. this morning, however, it is time to put all that aside, pound my feelings of frustration into the pavement and get some miles under my belt. just for today, i am okay with the outcome and will support it, the dreiving force that rammed it down my throat, not so much and it will take a bit more work to release those emotions.

∞ DT ∞