Blog entry for:

what on earth do they have to laugh about? i mean seriously, imagining that they were happy without doing sumthin sumthin on the side, was a herculean feat for me, when i first walked into the rooms and even when i FINALLY came to recovery. before i get too far into things a quick shout out:

23 YEARS of ‘Just for Todays’ in a row,
DENISE W
there must be something to this GOOD LIFE

anyhow, where was i? oh yeah in a state of disbelief. it was a stretch to believe life would be anything but dull and boring after the drugs were gone. it is not that my life without drugs has been fun-filled and exciting every second of every day, in fact that have been stretches of days on end, that were dull, drab, hum-drum and yes even boring. what else can one expect? the days i spent in active addiction were not always as fun-fill, action-packed, as i think they were. in fact most of them were dull, gloomy and awfully dark. i do have to say that the good times were QUITE GOOD! were those so-called ‘good times’ really worth the price i paid for them? when it comes down to this bottom line sh!t the addict within kicks in. yes, of course it was worth every drop of blood, sweat and tears that the so-called good life generated. there were quite a fringe benefits, the first was for those few minutes the cares of the world and reality itself were miles and miles away, and in those quiet moments my fantasies all came true, and i was more than i ever was. and you know what? that sh!t is happening in recovery as well! not that all of a sudden i am rich, handsome or famous, but i am becoming the man i have always wanted to be. i have had dreams come true, i make a comfortable living and most importantly, that unspoken fantasy from way back when, i have people in my life, who love me just the way i am. i have friends even when i have no bag, and i am not scrounging and scraping for my next fix. yes life may be predictable most days, and yes even boring, but is it really any different for the other 85%? the veneer of normalcy, that has been added to me, across the course of my recovery is not such a bad thing. in fact many of the other 85% can no longer detect that there is an addict walking among them , and that was one fantasy, i NEVER believed would come true!
today, i know that even the dull and boring times are WORTH the work it takes for me to live a program of recovery. i know that this is one of those rah-rah, party line blog posts, but when i consider the topic in any depth, no matter how deep i go, i always come back to the same place. today i am grateful that i am recovering, and i can smile and laugh with my peers in the rooms that have given me this new manner of living.
the decison has been made, wind or no wind, time to run! then the day is open to whatever comes next, it is after all a great day to recover!

∞ DT ∞