Blog entry for:

when i hear this, i think of the line in Clerks where one of the protagonists keeps saying he is not even supposed to be here today. way back when, i was fairly certain that this would never, ever, be something i would spend any time doing, recovery that is. in fact there is absolutely no reason, why i stuck this out, when others have tried several times and still do not get any time clean. so as i sit here this morning, after a sketchy start i am starting to finally settle down and getting in the swing of things. before i go any further, i need to do a shout out:

Denise W
26 years , WOW!
I am glad you kept coming back!

moving into what is on my mind today, the idea that i kept coming back for long enough to have what appears to be a normal life, is truly amazing, and certainly could be a trap. appearances however, can be deceiving. no matter how normal my life looks the fact remains, that i am an addict and everything that has been given to me: career, relationships, self-respect, the ability to laugh, to cry, to feel emotions, all of that can go up in an instant of one self-obsessed notion. that notion? that because drugs have not been an issue for quite some time, that something inside has changed and now i can use like a normal person. when i hear that refrain, silently luring me back on the rocks with its sweet refrain, i can see it for what it is today, the siren song of addiction, because i have kept coming back.
anyhow time to make the donuts, and be present for what i need to do today.

∞ DT ∞