Blog entry for:

Sat, Apr 15, 2006 07:01:03 AM


α a fellowship that has more to offer me, as long as i keep coming back Ω
posted: Sat, Apr 15, 2006 07:01:03 AM

 

sounds suspiciously like a promise to me and of course the fellowship that gave me this new life makes a single promise. be that as it may, i really did not understand what the fellowship and life had to offer me those few days ago when i finally made the commitment to myself to learn how to recover. and today i am still not quite sure what the fellowship and life has to offer me. it seems that in the next few hours the woman with whom i choose to shear my life will finally become a grandmother and i am uncertain what that means to me. well i know that means for certain, that she will become more involved in the lives of her progeny, but what my new role will be is still undecided, at least in my head. i am way too young to be a grandfather :)) and this is not the issue of my line, so physically i have no tie to the new young man entering this world. emotionally i am still trying to adjust to the new reality our lives together and have yet to decide internally where i fit in the family the love of my life brought with her to our relationship. spiritually i am of two minds -- run away and wait for everything to settle out or just grin and bear it and wait for everything to settle out, so i know what i need to do is somewhere in between those extremes. no one has asked me if i WANT to be in the delivery room this morning, and has just assumed that i would want to be there, when actually i would be a whole lot more comfortable to let everyone else be there and i get to see the issue of the process. and of course i have yet to make my feelings known so i suffer in silence and feel like i am being pulled out to sea in a riptide. you know the whole poor me martyr syndrome.
what the fellowship has to offer me today is the means to sit here and sort out my feelings, mull over my possible courses of action and make a decision as to what i will do. and the time has come to let my desires be known, after all, i too have a stake in my life today.

∞ DT ∞

 

djtConsulting Brand
The views expressed on this page are solely the opinion of the author.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.

Another Look!

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∀ i have come to enjoy living clean and i want more ∀ 720 words ➥ Friday, April 15, 2011 by: donnot
¿ if those addicts ARE NOT using drugs , 591 words ➥ Sunday, April 15, 2012 by: donnot
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∪ keep coming back ∪ 316 words ➥ Wednesday, April 15, 2015 by: donnot
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☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯

THE TAO TEH KING, OR THE TAO AND ITS CHARACTERISTICS
by Lao-Tse
Translated by James Legge

Book 1

2) He who does not fail in the requirements of his position, continues
long; he who dies and yet does not perish, has longevity.