Blog entry for:

by sharing them with one human being.
today i am enjoying a impulsive decision to take some time off from work. last week, i decided i needed some time off, and here i am on the first day of five, away from the place that pays my bills, and i do not feel anything but a bit of gratitude for taking care of myself. what are my plans for today? well i have to get my car into the shop, have a phone interview, do a bit of work on my volunteer project and take a nap or two. well maybe only one. there is no shame in me doing absolutely very little and not having a plan of action for today. no secret here that as much as i like my job and the people i work with, i am in need of some time away.
which kind of nicely transitions me into the topic of the reading today, namely disarming my shame by revealing who i am, secrets and all, to at least one person, that i have come to trust. having a few days clean and a bit of experience with actually working and living the steps, i know how freeing being out in the open can be. i also have learned, through some very bitter experiences, that i need not share every single little detail about myself, with every single person who is in the rooms or that are part of my life. that is not being secretive, that is being judicious and circumspect. yes, of course, i can see that last statement could be taken as a rationalization and possibly a justification, for keeping my sh!t to myself. this is where the balance, that grey area between full and total disclosure to everyone and living in total secrecy and darkness, lies. in my world, finding the balance between the light and the dark, is what i am all about. just as i am becoming a whole person, there are aspects to my life, that i need not share with my co-workers, and keeping a bit of distance there, has not been a bad thing for me. there is more than one person who knows me, in all my glory, and that person is someone i have come to trust as my sponsor and yes my friend. it has taken time, as i was not easily persuaded to let go of what i though needed to be kept in the dark. bit by bit, and yes step by step, i have been freed of my FEAR of revealing who i and more importantly who i am not. today i am more than a collection of secret shame and less than stellar behaviors. today i am free to be who i want to be, even if it is not what others want. today, well today i can be me and take care of my bidness, which means it is time to get moving into my day unplanned and unstructured day. it is a great day to be clean.

∞ DT ∞