Blog entry for:

Wed, Aug 28, 2013 08:42:44 AM


“ Step Five simply suggests that my secrets ”
posted: Wed, Aug 28, 2013 08:42:44 AM

 

cause me more harm than good when i keep them completely to myself. my secret today? now that i am going to an office every day, i really have a problem working from home. i miss the social interaction. it will be my last day of working from home, so no bigs, in fact, this will probably be a very long day of work.
for me, the FIFTH STEP was certainly a relief, and it always seems that no matter what iteration it is through the steps for me, there is always something i was keeping from others, secrets that were holding me back. ironically, i just got an e-mail from one of the facilities that i take our message to, and someone i respect greatly did not pass the background check. that is the second volunteer that failed to make it through their vetting process and neither one of them, are exactly what i call the criminal type anymore. their past, just like mine, sometimes never goes away, as i was also rejected at first to be a part of this service effort.
today, i accept that i am a product of my past experiences, the sum of all those experiences does not define me anymore. yes there are ghosts in my past, stuff i did, that i would prefer never be found out. all of that stuff, has been shared by me, to one of my tree sponsors, and more than likely my current sponsor. that man, the keeper of my secrets as it were, has shown me the way to live beyond my secrets and allow myself to be defined by what i am doing today. yes another touch of irony here. one of the men i sponsor, keeps harping on me about what he is doing today, and even though he makes bad choices and continues to suffer the consequences, he really is not a bad man. he would love to have the past put behind him, but lacks the ability to do so. what he is showing me, is that by allowing myself to be defined by my past, i miss the opportunity to grow in the here and now. i do not want to be known as a service junkie, a dilettante, a spiritual giant, a recovery Nazi or a bumper sticker addict. i have been all of those in my past, or at least attempted to look like some of those in the past. no today, what i want to be known as is, an addict in recovery. a man who loves his fellowship, respects his peers and does his level best to carry these principles out to the world in all my affairs.
i do not want to be defined by that which causes me secret shame. i do not want to be defined by those things that i would rather not have anyone else know. no i want to be beyond definitions, however ludicrous or impossible that sounds. which brings me back to the top, what i choose to keep secret, will define me, because i believe that i am getting away with something. so as i wrap this set of random thoughts up and change over to go to work, i am feeling ready to be so much more that i was yesterday and yes part of that is to be kind, patient and loving to Daisy, our rescue pup, who is just starting to warm up to me.

∞ DT ∞

 

djtConsulting Brand
The views expressed on this page are solely the opinion of the author.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.

Another Look!

secrets and trust 179 words ➥ Saturday, August 28, 2004 by: donnot
α freedom from the power of secrecy Ω 263 words ➥ Sunday, August 28, 2005 by: donnot
↔ when the secrets are in control, ↔ 274 words ➥ Monday, August 28, 2006 by: donnot
↔ when the secrets are in control, ↔ 319 words ➥ Tuesday, August 28, 2007 by: donnot
μ when i share my secret self in confidence with at least one human being … 179 words ➥ Thursday, August 28, 2008 by: donnot
º when i give in to my reluctance to reveal my true nature º 498 words ➥ Friday, August 28, 2009 by: donnot
› the 5TH Step does not encourage ME to tell everyone every little secret about MYSELF ‹ 894 words ➥ Saturday, August 28, 2010 by: donnot
‡ these defects grow in the dark and die in the light of exposure ‡ 908 words ➥ Sunday, August 28, 2011 by: donnot
→ when i realize that honest sharing is not life-threatening ← 399 words ➥ Tuesday, August 28, 2012 by: donnot
∗ i can disarm the secrets in my life ∗ 526 words ➥ Thursday, August 28, 2014 by: donnot
÷ light of exposure ÷ 897 words ➥ Friday, August 28, 2015 by: donnot
⇗ disarming the secrets ⇘ 525 words ➥ Sunday, August 28, 2016 by: donnot
🌩 honest sharing 🌪 644 words ➥ Monday, August 28, 2017 by: donnot
👎 secrets cause me 👍 424 words ➥ Tuesday, August 28, 2018 by: donnot
😒 can i disarm 😜 615 words ➥ Wednesday, August 28, 2019 by: donnot
🤐 my secret self 🤔 303 words ➥ Friday, August 28, 2020 by: donnot
🙊 my secrets 🤫 356 words ➥ Saturday, August 28, 2021 by: donnot
😏 i cause 😎 560 words ➥ Sunday, August 28, 2022 by: donnot
🤒 treating 🤕 621 words ➥ Monday, August 28, 2023 by: donnot
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☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯

THE TAO TEH KING, OR THE TAO AND ITS CHARACTERISTICS
by Lao-Tse
Translated by James Legge

Book 2

1) The movement of the Tao
By contraries proceeds;
And weakness marks the course
Of Tao's mighty deeds.