Γ· light of exposure Γ·
Posted: Fri, Aug 28, 2015 07:42:29 AM
i know i have been on a theme of sorts lately about what may appear to be **advanced** recovery or even **recovery 2.0**. honestly i do not believe in either, recovery is just that recovery, and the stuff i have talked about are my experiences in recovery, once i decided to leave the plush and quite comfortable lobby i lovingly refer to as the “No Matter What” club and apply the principles that got me clean to the rest of my life. do not get m,e wrong there is nothing wrong with being a member of that club, as i proudly will attest to, BUT and yes it is a big one, when i reached the place where i wanted more for myself and my life, i am grateful i had a sponse who could lead me on that next journey, beyond staying clean, just for today.
i met with a new sponsee last night and at 4½ years he is where i was at at 7 or 8. he has come to the place where i believe many of my peers reach, simply asking if this is all there is, and if it is, why bother staying around, after all… as much as i hate to admit it, i do not believe each and every one of my peers that leave the fellowship end up once again in active addiction, some of them, may have never been addicts, others may found alternatives to twelve steps recovery that give them the tools they need to stay clean and lead productive lives. that might also be the case for me, if i decide to walk away, BUT, yeah i know another big one, i am getting so much more than the power to stay clean, just for today, that at least today, i am comfortably ensconced in this fellowship and grateful for the journey of “uncovery” i am on.
so what secrets shameful things am i hiding these days? not a whole lot, and even if i was hiding something, the last place i would out it at, is here on the internet. i can say this though, there certainly is a part of me that is trying to figure out what is going on, as all of a sudden i seem to be accumulating new sponsees. there certainly is a part of me that relishes that face and wants to scream out loud, “AT LAST, YOU KNOW WHO THE FVCK I AM!” there is another part of me, that is worried that accepting them into my life is conceit and running away from my life, after all if i have lots and lots of sponsees, i need not look at my sh!t. what i see in those two extremes, is that more than likely, i am somewhere in between,m concerned that i may be taking too much on and grateful that i have something to offer to my peers.
another theme that i have had rolling around in my head lately, was something that my sponse said to me, when we last sat down together and chatted. quite honestly, yeah there i f\\go again, i do not call or txt him as often as i think i should (yes Jason there is that self-shaming word), and i know that. anyhow, what he said was that the HIGHER POWER, with which he has a relationship with, provides him with abundance. of course that got me to thinking and looking at the POWER that fuels my recovery, and i saw that i too, receive abundance from that source. it is not the money i bring home, there are lots of my peers who bring home more and just as many who bring home less. it is not the things i have, although i have accumulated a few new things lately. it IS the spiritual strength that i can draw from my life and how that translates into me being a better version of me, DON 2.0 or maybe by this time, version 2.95. that version has taken what i was taught as a new member of the “No Matter What” club and go beyond that. the FREEDOM i was given,m is still FREEING me today, from the chains and limitations i constructed for myself, before i joined that club. as i said yesterday, being clean is not only sufficient for me to grow, it is also necessary. having the willingness to look for more, fills my heart with the sort of joy, i so seldom felt, back in the day. i certainly want more and based on what i have seen, i certainly can get more and the abundance i get fro the POWER that fuels my recovery, flows from my peers in recovery as well as the my friends, family and acquaintances, it is up to me, to be present and accept those gifts.
anyhow, unlike some of my friends and peers, i need to move forward into my day and head on out to my place of employment. i am grateful today, that for the most part, i have a life that provides me joy and excitement and i do not need to take a quick trip to the hills to lose a a sum of money, to feel like there is something more.
i met with a new sponsee last night and at 4½ years he is where i was at at 7 or 8. he has come to the place where i believe many of my peers reach, simply asking if this is all there is, and if it is, why bother staying around, after all… as much as i hate to admit it, i do not believe each and every one of my peers that leave the fellowship end up once again in active addiction, some of them, may have never been addicts, others may found alternatives to twelve steps recovery that give them the tools they need to stay clean and lead productive lives. that might also be the case for me, if i decide to walk away, BUT, yeah i know another big one, i am getting so much more than the power to stay clean, just for today, that at least today, i am comfortably ensconced in this fellowship and grateful for the journey of “uncovery” i am on.
so what secrets shameful things am i hiding these days? not a whole lot, and even if i was hiding something, the last place i would out it at, is here on the internet. i can say this though, there certainly is a part of me that is trying to figure out what is going on, as all of a sudden i seem to be accumulating new sponsees. there certainly is a part of me that relishes that face and wants to scream out loud, “AT LAST, YOU KNOW WHO THE FVCK I AM!” there is another part of me, that is worried that accepting them into my life is conceit and running away from my life, after all if i have lots and lots of sponsees, i need not look at my sh!t. what i see in those two extremes, is that more than likely, i am somewhere in between,m concerned that i may be taking too much on and grateful that i have something to offer to my peers.
another theme that i have had rolling around in my head lately, was something that my sponse said to me, when we last sat down together and chatted. quite honestly, yeah there i f\\go again, i do not call or txt him as often as i think i should (yes Jason there is that self-shaming word), and i know that. anyhow, what he said was that the HIGHER POWER, with which he has a relationship with, provides him with abundance. of course that got me to thinking and looking at the POWER that fuels my recovery, and i saw that i too, receive abundance from that source. it is not the money i bring home, there are lots of my peers who bring home more and just as many who bring home less. it is not the things i have, although i have accumulated a few new things lately. it IS the spiritual strength that i can draw from my life and how that translates into me being a better version of me, DON 2.0 or maybe by this time, version 2.95. that version has taken what i was taught as a new member of the “No Matter What” club and go beyond that. the FREEDOM i was given,m is still FREEING me today, from the chains and limitations i constructed for myself, before i joined that club. as i said yesterday, being clean is not only sufficient for me to grow, it is also necessary. having the willingness to look for more, fills my heart with the sort of joy, i so seldom felt, back in the day. i certainly want more and based on what i have seen, i certainly can get more and the abundance i get fro the POWER that fuels my recovery, flows from my peers in recovery as well as the my friends, family and acquaintances, it is up to me, to be present and accept those gifts.
anyhow, unlike some of my friends and peers, i need to move forward into my day and head on out to my place of employment. i am grateful today, that for the most part, i have a life that provides me joy and excitement and i do not need to take a quick trip to the hills to lose a a sum of money, to feel like there is something more.
∞ DT ∞