Blog entry for:

seems to be becoming a way of life for me, these days. i know the reading was all about watching others come in, get clean and find a path to a life in recovery and i certainly heard that this morning as i sat. what i felt, however, was a bit of anxiety over everything i have to accomplish today and the meetings i have stacked over each other. when i could let go for a minute, and it was difficult this morning as there was far more activity happening than i am used to having to deal with, i got a sense of connection to the program and to those i have seen that came in, got clean and found the ways and means to live a program of recovery.

Reece F.
Congrats on Twenty-One (21) years clean.

as i get my stuff out of my head and released onto the internet, i can see that maybe i am being too harsh on some of those in my life. i really hate that they have decided to give up and live the life they have chosen and refuse to attempt to try anything outside of their self-limited “abilities.” i know that they are too stubborn to budge and maybe, just maybe allow themselves the freedom to take a risk and try. what is the worse thing that could happen, if they chose to order something on Amazon or actually walk out to the mailbox and fetch their mail? it saddens me top watch them choose to let their world shrink to the incessant drone of a TV and gaming on a tablet. it seems that no matter how much i chide, cajole and push, they are determined to remain where they are, but i will not allow myself to enable them to do so. so the battle of wills is in full force, and right now they are winning, even though i become less willing to engage and take “care” of the things they could very well do for themselves. i, too, am a stubborn person and when they show a bit of initiative, perhaps i can lighten up and give them a break, but so far that does not seem to be happening.
anyhow, it is time for me to get dressed out and head out to the rec center, as i am unwilling to run in the snow. i know who and what i am and i am more than certain about what i can do. it is a good day to be clean and a better day to do for myself all that i have thee ability to do and allow the POWER that fuels my recovery to take care of the rest.

∞ DT ∞