Some memes

to accept the men i sponsor as the people they are and not how i think they may NEED to be, is certainly a work in progress these days. i have written recently about one of the men i sponsor and my struggle to get him to see how rigid and unbending he is in his beliefs. my attempts to get him to look beyond what he thinks he knows and what he has been told and to think for himself is my goal, BUT, the reading this morning reminds me that is not what i am here for. as his sponsor it is my job to guide him up his recovery path and not detour him to mine. i have to keep going back to what my sponsor reminds me of constantly: i am as powerless over the addiction of others as i am over my own.plainly and simply that means, at least in this slice of time, that i need to let go of my expectations and allow them to come to me, when they are good and ready. my days of carrying an addict through the recovery process are behind me and all i have to do is let go of my expectations.
i decided yesterday afternoon that it was time to try a hike and this morning before work would be the perfect time. when i got up this morning, i certainly worked on changing my mind and just going for a walk around the 'hood. i am glad almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades, as i almost did not hit the dusty trail. on this side of my four and a half mile hike, even after a trip and fall, i am glad i allowed myself the freedom to get up and get out, as now i am training for fourteener season and i had to start sooner rather than later. i predict a few more hikes of increasing difficulty as the days wear one, perhaps as early as Saturday morning. time will tell, based on how i feel tomorrow morning.
as i consider how to apply love and acceptance to all the men i sponsor, regardless of my opinions about who they are, what they believe or the velocity of their recovery work, i know i will trip, stumble and fall into self-will and judgement. the key to me is how quickly i decide to put that aside and live in the here and now. my sponse allows me the freedom to be myself, it is time that i allow the men who call me their sponsor that same freedom, regradless of what i think i know, just for today.

∞ DT ∞