๐ my sponsors ๐
Posted: Fri, May 30, 2025 06:56:58 AM
and their acceptance of me --warts and all-- continues to help me to accept that everything is as it should be, even when it does not feel like that. as one may be able to tell from what i have deposited across the course of my recovery, in this little archive of my feelings, thoughts and notions about recovery, trusting others, even when i am fairly certain they will not harm me, is not my strong suit. when i look back on the men who have been my sponsors, i feel a great deal of empathy for having to deal with the shit i was giving them. more than once, i tested them to see if they were worthy of my truth or would accept me, if i revealed a choice bit of who i was and what i did. remarkably, at least to my mind, they happened to pass all those tests, but it still took some time and more than a few steps for me to open up to them.
as i consider how i was and how the men who call me their sponsor are, i can see that they, like me, require something different from my bag of recovery tools. it is more than a bit ironic that one of my peers and friends in recovery used to ask me when i graduated from the Acme School of Sponsorship, at which i had to laugh, as i have always played what i do and say with the men who call me their sponsor, by ear, these days, relying on my gut, rather than on my head. once upon a time, i certainly though i “knew” what those men needed from me. these days, i allow myself to access my experience, strength and hope and listen tom the quiet voice that is my intuition and perhaps the voice of the POWER that fuels my recovery, before i provide any guidance.
these days, i accept at face value, at least better than i used to do, that what my sponsor is offering, is more than likely, exactly what i require. i still balk when i feel that they just might have it all wrong, which is ninety percent of the time. once i stop to allow myself the time to process what they just gave me, however, it is almost always the next correct thing to do. it is time to get out and hit the streets. i have listened to the quiet, had breakfast and coffee, made my job applications for today, texted with my early morning folks and considered where i am and where i may be going today. all in all, not a bad start to this day, just for today.
as i consider how i was and how the men who call me their sponsor are, i can see that they, like me, require something different from my bag of recovery tools. it is more than a bit ironic that one of my peers and friends in recovery used to ask me when i graduated from the Acme School of Sponsorship, at which i had to laugh, as i have always played what i do and say with the men who call me their sponsor, by ear, these days, relying on my gut, rather than on my head. once upon a time, i certainly though i “knew” what those men needed from me. these days, i allow myself to access my experience, strength and hope and listen tom the quiet voice that is my intuition and perhaps the voice of the POWER that fuels my recovery, before i provide any guidance.
these days, i accept at face value, at least better than i used to do, that what my sponsor is offering, is more than likely, exactly what i require. i still balk when i feel that they just might have it all wrong, which is ninety percent of the time. once i stop to allow myself the time to process what they just gave me, however, it is almost always the next correct thing to do. it is time to get out and hit the streets. i have listened to the quiet, had breakfast and coffee, made my job applications for today, texted with my early morning folks and considered where i am and where i may be going today. all in all, not a bad start to this day, just for today.
∞ DT ∞