๐ถ remembering that ๐
Posted: Thu, May 29, 2025 07:07:19 AM
recovery is a journey, not a destination. more than once, i have had to be reminded of that fact, by one of my peers or my sponsor, as i have a strong tendency to look for immediate results and “signs” that i am on the correct path. i have often shared that i am one of those who really, really, really hates the bon mot “don't leave before the miracle happens.” even this morning as i tripped across it in my source material, i had a strong emotional reaction to reading it. being someone who does not seek miracles, miraculous events or manna from heaven, i have to remember that even though i find stuff in that vein a bit off-putting, many of my peers find the comfort they need, to keep coming back.
what “struck” me this morning, after getting over my irrational emotional reaction, was the notion that this is a lifelong journey and when i focus on where i am going, wherever that may be, i lose sight of where i am. this has been an issue for me, from the very beginning. i know it comes from the life of fantasy i that i lived for decades on end, believing that someone or something would swoop down and free me from the mundane life i was living and elevate me to THE place i truly belonged. as silly as that may sound, when one tells themself something often enough and with enough passion, it takes on an aspect of “it could happen!” when i =go down the path of what might happen, i respond with: “oh yeah, and monkeys may fly out of my ass!”
today, as i deal with the realities i am facing, unemployment in thirty-one days and the currently unknowable next step of my prostate cancer treatment, i am still buying those lottery tickets and fantasizing about the life i would have, if i actually hit on one of those. i actually KNOW, that i need to be diligent in my job search, accepting of my ignorance of what is coming next in my cancer journey and awake for the opportunities i may be presented in the here and now. while it is unlikely something will just drop into my lap. if i choose to focus on what may be, i will certainly miss what is, just for today.
what “struck” me this morning, after getting over my irrational emotional reaction, was the notion that this is a lifelong journey and when i focus on where i am going, wherever that may be, i lose sight of where i am. this has been an issue for me, from the very beginning. i know it comes from the life of fantasy i that i lived for decades on end, believing that someone or something would swoop down and free me from the mundane life i was living and elevate me to THE place i truly belonged. as silly as that may sound, when one tells themself something often enough and with enough passion, it takes on an aspect of “it could happen!” when i =go down the path of what might happen, i respond with: “oh yeah, and monkeys may fly out of my ass!”
today, as i deal with the realities i am facing, unemployment in thirty-one days and the currently unknowable next step of my prostate cancer treatment, i am still buying those lottery tickets and fantasizing about the life i would have, if i actually hit on one of those. i actually KNOW, that i need to be diligent in my job search, accepting of my ignorance of what is coming next in my cancer journey and awake for the opportunities i may be presented in the here and now. while it is unlikely something will just drop into my lap. if i choose to focus on what may be, i will certainly miss what is, just for today.
∞ DT ∞