≟ the fellowship ≣
Posted: Wed, May 28, 2025 06:52:41 AM
that has given me this life of recovery, has no classes of membership and no second-class members. when i first got clean and even after i decided that recovery may be an option for me, i was under the belief that there was a stratification of the members of my fellowship based on length of clean time. those members who were the loudest about how they were a “newcomer every day,” struck me as being anything but humble or honest. as i stay clean and learn how to live a program, i still see that statement as “out there,” but i understand exactly what those who utter it, are trying to convey: all are equal here, as we all have just for today.
it took some time and certainly more than a few steps, to see that clean time does not equal recovery nor does it give me any added status in the fellowship. in fact, most of the time, i let how long i have stayed clean, be unsaid, when i share. the fact i am clean today, and i am not a newcomer, is more than enough to lend a bit of credence to the experience, strength and hope i may share. i have become one of those members i used to envy and put on a pedestal, someone with long term clean time, seemingly content with their life and still engaged with the fellowship. as such, i know how uncomfortable it feels to be messed up and be afraid to share what is going on, because “i should know how to handle this!” as counterintuitive as it may sound, i am can be the “still-suffering addict,” that requires a bit of love and understanding from my peers. clean time does not equal recovery by any means and it certainly does not equal a life without speed-bumps and gaping emotional canyons. it just means i have been doing it day after day, no matter what.
so it is off to the streets to once again, walk off the damage i inflicted upon myself on Monday morning. it is a great day to remember that i am more than just a number of days clean, i am a member of a worldwide fellowship that has given me the ways and means to rise above being a mere addict and find a new manner in which to live, just for today.
it took some time and certainly more than a few steps, to see that clean time does not equal recovery nor does it give me any added status in the fellowship. in fact, most of the time, i let how long i have stayed clean, be unsaid, when i share. the fact i am clean today, and i am not a newcomer, is more than enough to lend a bit of credence to the experience, strength and hope i may share. i have become one of those members i used to envy and put on a pedestal, someone with long term clean time, seemingly content with their life and still engaged with the fellowship. as such, i know how uncomfortable it feels to be messed up and be afraid to share what is going on, because “i should know how to handle this!” as counterintuitive as it may sound, i am can be the “still-suffering addict,” that requires a bit of love and understanding from my peers. clean time does not equal recovery by any means and it certainly does not equal a life without speed-bumps and gaping emotional canyons. it just means i have been doing it day after day, no matter what.
so it is off to the streets to once again, walk off the damage i inflicted upon myself on Monday morning. it is a great day to remember that i am more than just a number of days clean, i am a member of a worldwide fellowship that has given me the ways and means to rise above being a mere addict and find a new manner in which to live, just for today.
∞ DT ∞