๐ i know the ๐
Posted: Mon, Jun 30, 2025 03:29:37 PM
program is working when i realize that i have hope for others to succeed. i am one of those who forced to get clean, even when it was still working for me. i still had a life of sorts and i certainly believed that i deserved to use, regardless of the consequences. in fact when i told the judge i was an addict., thought i was lying to his face, after all, more than once i had quit using this or that. I WAS IN CONTROL and never ever made a promise to myself to stop using, maybe tapering back but never total abstinence. so here i sit thousands of days later writing about how do this recovery gig on a daily basis. more than a little ironic! 😏
as i sit here on my first day of semi-retirement, wondering what my next adventure may be, i know that the only reason i was capable of hiking 4.27 miles and 1700 feet of vertical ascent, is because i am clean and have found the ways and means to live a program of recovery. it may be three in the afternoon, but i have been considering the notion of goodwill to the new members, all say long, as more than one of the men sponsor are dealing with stuff that they feel is beyond their ability to deal with by themselves. i know that no matter how powerful i may feel at any time, i NEED my peers to help me sort through the burdens i think i may be carrying. the strangest part of that, is sometimes it is the newest of the new that gives me clarity i may seek. if i have been unkind or dismissive of their efforts, i will probably miss what i need to hear and the opportunity to let them know i am grateful for them showing up and being there for me.
it is a great day to be clean and i will allow myself the freedom to enjoy a cigar and play my game. i have hiked, been to a meeting, shown my face and my soul to those who were there and allowed myself to let the cancer and unemployment fade into the background noise, for right now. life in my skin is far from heinous today and i have those members who were here when i got clean to thank for that fact. my life may not have been heinous back in the day, but it was certainly nowhere close to the life i have, just for today.
as i sit here on my first day of semi-retirement, wondering what my next adventure may be, i know that the only reason i was capable of hiking 4.27 miles and 1700 feet of vertical ascent, is because i am clean and have found the ways and means to live a program of recovery. it may be three in the afternoon, but i have been considering the notion of goodwill to the new members, all say long, as more than one of the men sponsor are dealing with stuff that they feel is beyond their ability to deal with by themselves. i know that no matter how powerful i may feel at any time, i NEED my peers to help me sort through the burdens i think i may be carrying. the strangest part of that, is sometimes it is the newest of the new that gives me clarity i may seek. if i have been unkind or dismissive of their efforts, i will probably miss what i need to hear and the opportunity to let them know i am grateful for them showing up and being there for me.
it is a great day to be clean and i will allow myself the freedom to enjoy a cigar and play my game. i have hiked, been to a meeting, shown my face and my soul to those who were there and allowed myself to let the cancer and unemployment fade into the background noise, for right now. life in my skin is far from heinous today and i have those members who were here when i got clean to thank for that fact. my life may not have been heinous back in the day, but it was certainly nowhere close to the life i have, just for today.
∞ DT ∞