Some memes

my foundation and restoring my zest for learning how to live, seems like an excellent credo for today. after a day of hiding out at home, because i was hacking up a half a lung, i am so glad to be out and about. the worst part is that i really do not feel all that sick, just coughing and a bit of a runny nose. nevertheless, not sharing my particular flavor of viral malaise, was probably a good decision. today, going stir crazy is not part of my plan of the day.
i really do have to ask myself where did my desire to learn how to live go? yesterday was all about what i do to prevent relapse, but it failed to dive down into what am i doing to foster my growth rabbit-hole. sure, staying clean is my main priority on a daily basis, but sometimes, most of the time to be exact, i fail to actually do anything to advance my journey. sure, having a daily program of active recovery is a good thing, but is it really enough? at least that is where my head went this morning as i dipped into the quiet void of meditation. the answer i got, was maybe, i am doing enough to be aware enough of what is going on inside me and whether or not i am reaching a point where putting pen to paper is the next task in my recovery world. after staying in all day yesterday, i am feeling today, that i need at a minimum write down my resentment list, just the people and institutions and leave it at that. that will definitely move me forward and it also will be a bit of honest self-assessment as well, which i could certainly use a bit of today.
in my life, however, i am moving forward, at least on the projects that are consuming my passion, my website facelift, my novel which is turning into quite an epic and a story line i never imagined at the beginning of that project. it is interesting that i have added several chapters to support my original idea and several chapters will need to go into a volume 2 if i decide to go in that direction. what i like about that project is that i am exercising the part of me that enjoys making up stories, and making up stories about fictional characters is a whole lot healthier than making up stories about the people i encounter in my daily journey. what i am not doing is spiraling down the drain, wishing i was someone else, which is quite an accomplishment for me. i have always had the desire to be someone else and wiring a fantasy novel seems to be replacing that desire.
today, i am grateful for who i am, even if … it s time to post this little ditty and move into something different, so when i sleep tonight i do not write out the next two chapters of my novel while i am trying to sleep, unlike last night. it is a good day to be clean, take care of some lingering obligations and maybe, just maybe do the recovery work i need to do.

∞ DT ∞