Some memes

that no matter what happens on the outside, joy can still live within me. a year ago i was looking at the edge of my employment cliff with more than a bit of anxiety. today, i am finding a whole lot of joy in not being gainfully employed full-time. getting pushed off that cliff, seemed like the worst possible thing that could happen to me. those first few months were certainly angst filled and my frantic search for a replacement kept me from seeing anything but the worst of my situation. what i failed to see was any upside to not working forty hours a week and doing something that could and does enhance my ability to be a social creature. sitting on this side, with my little part-time job, i d=find joy on most days, just existing and playing around with AI and my creativity. my greatest fear was i would become one of those guys who fade into the sunset with a remote in one hand, a huge belly and no desire to move off the couch.
speaking of that part-time gig, the drama is over and i am still here and standing. i do have some cleaning up to do on another front and tonight will be my opportunity to do. i have had some issue with the newest member of the team and most of it, is my stuff. he treats me like a younger brother he needs to take under his wing and hovers trying to correct my mistakes before i make them. he does things behind my back that are contrary to the way i was trained and twice in one night he screwed me over. one i caught, one for which i had to fade the heat. so of course i do not trust him. he also caught one of my mistakes, because i stepped out of my routine and did not check my own work. stepping back into my routine, seemed to insult him last night, so today, i need to admit where i was wrong, why i do what i do and ask if we can reset our relationship. he will have to rebuild my trust, but i am not going to hold his feet to the fire over that. it is my job to be more open to him, than for him to build a spirit of team cooperation.
anyhow, today i am certain that i can find joy in my life. today, i can find the time to be someone's traditions sponsor. today i can let go of my hesitation about writing out my resentments and move forward into my FOURTH STEP. i have the list and i certainly know what they did and why i still carry anger towards those on that list. the very definition of a resentment. tonight as i wrote them out, i am going to follow my own advice and use the exact language that fits my emotions, profanity and all. 🤬 i am sure that exorcising these emotions by writing will give me a bit more freedom than i am enjoying right now.

∞ DT ∞