๐ซ as i learn ๐
Posted: Tue, Aug 11, 2026 08:12:59 AM
to take a deep breath as i decide how to spend my time and energy, i find the ways and means to stand up for myself without being aggressive. balancing harmony as i walk through this world, with the conflicts that arise, was not a skill i had when i started my recovery journey. every hill that i came across as i walked through life was one that i was willing to die on. i aggressively and loudly defended my position, even when it was apparent that i was wrong, and hardly won any friends or influenced any people. when i finally got clean and started to desire something more, i though conceding every battle was what i needed to do. after all, aggressively defending was not working out, so the opposite behavior must be the answer. i hated being a doormat and i did not earn any respect, additional friends or esteem by doing so. i felt even worse about who i was and was confused as to how passivity, assertiveness and aggression were related.
these days, as i walk through my life, i understand that doing for myself is one thing. doing for others is quite different. i certainly could have offered my co-worker a ride to his car and a solution for his problem last night after closing. i was willing, BUT, i was not going to ask. i had decided that if he desired my help, he would have to ask. i was more than certain that he was too whatever to actually do that and more than likely i am now a shit-head oppressor. i am okay with my actions, as i have enabled more than a few people in my life to play the victim and me riding in on my white horse to save them. i have opinions and i have beliefs and i have learned that when i find myself in conflict with others, or get a sinking feeling in my gut, i have to decide whether or not i should continue down that path. TBH, there was nothing in my TENTH STEP last night that i needed to correct. yes i could have, but i did not. there was no “should” in that lack of action. just for today, i will walk the line between being assertive and being aggressive, gingerly. i will do what i can to promote harmony in the world around me.
these days, as i walk through my life, i understand that doing for myself is one thing. doing for others is quite different. i certainly could have offered my co-worker a ride to his car and a solution for his problem last night after closing. i was willing, BUT, i was not going to ask. i had decided that if he desired my help, he would have to ask. i was more than certain that he was too whatever to actually do that and more than likely i am now a shit-head oppressor. i am okay with my actions, as i have enabled more than a few people in my life to play the victim and me riding in on my white horse to save them. i have opinions and i have beliefs and i have learned that when i find myself in conflict with others, or get a sinking feeling in my gut, i have to decide whether or not i should continue down that path. TBH, there was nothing in my TENTH STEP last night that i needed to correct. yes i could have, but i did not. there was no “should” in that lack of action. just for today, i will walk the line between being assertive and being aggressive, gingerly. i will do what i can to promote harmony in the world around me.
∞ DT ∞