Blog entry for:
Fri, Sep 10, 2004 04:31:51 AM
expecting a feeling
posted: Fri, Sep 10, 2004 04:31:51 AM
the JFT reading was about sympathy and being present for someone i love with a hug and a sympathetic ear. i really have no ideas about what to write about so i think i will instead write about ME today.
it is my 7th anniversary today and for some reason, i feel a bit sad and disconnected today. i expected to feel joy and gratitude for what i have accomplished and what gifts that i have been given and instead all i can focus is on the things that are undone.
after all, should i not have MORE. more serenity, more wisdom, more joy, more love and more tools for living. i hear the whispers that maybe this is not the path for me after all. that i will never succeed and i will always be just as i was when i walked here. and the most insidious whisper of all, that i am not worth anything especially the love of those in my life or the love and care of a kind and gentle Higher Power.
just typing this out i am starting to come out of my funk, although i have not come as far as i expected and i do not FEEL happy, joyous and free today, does not mean that this has been a waste of time, it just means that i am feeling what i am feeling and like the wind that too can change if i look at the evidence of my growth over the past seven years instead of allowing myself to wallow in morose, self-destructive self-pity. i am what i am an addict who has not used in seven years and that for this moment is enough.
-- DT --
it is my 7th anniversary today and for some reason, i feel a bit sad and disconnected today. i expected to feel joy and gratitude for what i have accomplished and what gifts that i have been given and instead all i can focus is on the things that are undone.
after all, should i not have MORE. more serenity, more wisdom, more joy, more love and more tools for living. i hear the whispers that maybe this is not the path for me after all. that i will never succeed and i will always be just as i was when i walked here. and the most insidious whisper of all, that i am not worth anything especially the love of those in my life or the love and care of a kind and gentle Higher Power.
just typing this out i am starting to come out of my funk, although i have not come as far as i expected and i do not FEEL happy, joyous and free today, does not mean that this has been a waste of time, it just means that i am feeling what i am feeling and like the wind that too can change if i look at the evidence of my growth over the past seven years instead of allowing myself to wallow in morose, self-destructive self-pity. i am what i am an addict who has not used in seven years and that for this moment is enough.
-- DT --
The views expressed on this page are solely the opinion of the author.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
Another Look!
α i can rest assured that a loving Higher Power is working hard at healing the spirit; Ω 522 words ➥ Sunday, September 10, 2006 by: donnotα when those i love are grieving, ω 378 words ➥ Monday, September 10, 2007 by: donnot
∞ words can never express all that i mean when my deepest feelings of compassion are involved ∞ 549 words ➥ Wednesday, September 10, 2008 by: donnot
¦ there have been times in my recovery when i was close to someone who was in great pain ¦ 460 words ➥ Thursday, September 10, 2009 by: donnot
« i am coming to believe that sometimes » 871 words ➥ Friday, September 10, 2010 by: donnot
∂ more than once i have struggled with the question ∂ 726 words ➥ Saturday, September 10, 2011 by: donnot
♦ i have learned that a simple, loving hug can make all the difference in the world … 831 words ➥ Monday, September 10, 2012 by: donnot
¡ my only responsibility is to be there, ! 568 words ➥ Wednesday, September 10, 2014 by: donnot
♦ more powerful ♦ 491 words ➥ Thursday, September 10, 2015 by: donnot
🌜 inadequate to 🌛 688 words ➥ Saturday, September 10, 2016 by: donnot
😁 a simple, 😂 633 words ➥ Sunday, September 10, 2017 by: donnot
🌩 anxious and inadequate 🌤 651 words ➥ Monday, September 10, 2018 by: donnot
🤗 the most 🤗 399 words ➥ Tuesday, September 10, 2019 by: donnot
😶 what can i do? 🤔 373 words ➥ Thursday, September 10, 2020 by: donnot
🤗 being there 🤗 483 words ➥ Friday, September 10, 2021 by: donnot
💯 twenty - five 💯 616 words ➥ Saturday, September 10, 2022 by: donnot
🏁 surrendering to 🏳 516 words ➥ Sunday, September 10, 2023 by: donnot
☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯
by Lao-Tse
Translated by James Legge
Book 1
The valley spirit dies not, aye the same;
The female mystery thus do we name.
Its gate, from which at first they issued forth,
Is called the root from which grew heaven and earth.
Long and unbroken does its power remain,
Used gently, and without the touch of pain.