ยฆ there have been times in my recovery when i was close to someone who was in great pain ยฆ
Posted: Thu, Sep 10, 2009 08:24:02 AM
i struggled (and still do) with the question, **what can i do to make them feel better?**
yes, i am an action sort of guy, instead of a touchy-feely sort, so when there seems nothing to do to make someone else feel better, regardless of how much i REALLY want to, i get frustrated and anxious. so perhaps it is not a bad thing that this particular reading pops up on my clean date anniversary. that way, every year, i get to look a little more closely at myself and see if i am moving from who i think i am, towards the man i am becoming. which in and of itself, is a pretty touchy-feely kind of statement. and yes before i forget
even that statement goes to something that really is impossible -- making someone feel one way or another. it is true, that i did and quite possible do, have the power to make someone feel unhappy, angry or miserable, getting that sort of reaction from others is a piece of cake and one that anybody can accomplish with very little effort. making someone really feel better is quite a feat. oh i could but them something, that usually works, but like getting high, does not last very long and once again, i am struggling with how to fix someone. that is what it really is all about for me. making someone who is hurting, feel better, is fixing them and fixing others is one of the ways the part of me i call addiction is active in my life today. so instead of trying to fix someone by making them happy. what i need to do, is allow them to share their pain with me. to lighten their burden. one might call that a bit of spin, after all, if i am sharing their pain, am i not also fixing them? not really, what i am doing is letting them fix themselves, by helping to carry the burden, without saying a single word or most importantly without doing anything but giving them a hug is so totally different than taking action to fix them. as hard as it is for me to admit it, sometimes not doing anything really is the best course of action after all.
HOWEVER, the time has come for my daily tour of the neighborhood, i can after all fix myself through a little bit of action and desire!
yes, i am an action sort of guy, instead of a touchy-feely sort, so when there seems nothing to do to make someone else feel better, regardless of how much i REALLY want to, i get frustrated and anxious. so perhaps it is not a bad thing that this particular reading pops up on my clean date anniversary. that way, every year, i get to look a little more closely at myself and see if i am moving from who i think i am, towards the man i am becoming. which in and of itself, is a pretty touchy-feely kind of statement. and yes before i forget
Happy Anniversary of your clean date Leonard H
THREE years clean is awesome!
even that statement goes to something that really is impossible -- making someone feel one way or another. it is true, that i did and quite possible do, have the power to make someone feel unhappy, angry or miserable, getting that sort of reaction from others is a piece of cake and one that anybody can accomplish with very little effort. making someone really feel better is quite a feat. oh i could but them something, that usually works, but like getting high, does not last very long and once again, i am struggling with how to fix someone. that is what it really is all about for me. making someone who is hurting, feel better, is fixing them and fixing others is one of the ways the part of me i call addiction is active in my life today. so instead of trying to fix someone by making them happy. what i need to do, is allow them to share their pain with me. to lighten their burden. one might call that a bit of spin, after all, if i am sharing their pain, am i not also fixing them? not really, what i am doing is letting them fix themselves, by helping to carry the burden, without saying a single word or most importantly without doing anything but giving them a hug is so totally different than taking action to fix them. as hard as it is for me to admit it, sometimes not doing anything really is the best course of action after all.
HOWEVER, the time has come for my daily tour of the neighborhood, i can after all fix myself through a little bit of action and desire!
∞ DT ∞