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if that Higher Power can perform such a miracle as relieving my obsession to use drugs, surely this Power can also relieve my insanity in all its forms. the most ironic part of that statement is that when i got clean, i did not think i was insane at all. sure, i used against my will, and sure i violated whatever code of moral conduct i had left, and sure i rationalized and justified those actions away. i may have believed i had a problem with integrity but not one of sanity. so when i was told in those early days that i was insane and only a POWER GREATER THAN me and the substances i used could relieve me of that, i was more than a bit skeptical. so it goes, my first sponsor told me that he believed that my intelligence was my greatest enemy, and that i would have a difficult time accepting a life of recovery. well, here i sit a decade later, and i would have to agree with his astute judgment all those days ago. i had to let go of what i thought i knew, and recognize my fractured belief system for what it was, the support system for active addiction. replacing that support system with a system to support and nourish my ongoing recovery was a task that i have undertaken, and a process that is still ongoing today.
so when i consider the progress i have made, i do see that i have been restored to sanity in many aspects of my life, since sanity is a relative term. my behaviors while still not normal or sane are more sane than ever before, and i have developed FAITH that they will become even more sane as time continues, AS LONG AS I STAY OUT OF THE WAY! that is always the rub, me getting and staying out of the way, however that topic is quite another kettle of stinky fish, that i will explore on another day. i am grateful today for the sanity that has been restored to me, and will do whatever it takes to allow that process to continue today. after all, that is the best of all possible worlds for this recovering addict.

∞ DT ∞