μ in an effort to purge myself of the guilt i feel for what i have done …
Posted: Fri, May 23, 2008 09:14:03 AM
i may be tempted to share with my loved ones, in gruesome detail, things that are better left unsaid. well i am glad that this reading does not talk about the shame i may or may not feel, as i look at the trail of pain and suffering i left in the wake of my active addiction and active recovery too! i am embarking on an Eighth Step at this very slice in time, and this reminder is a bit early, and yet almost too late. too late? well i do a Tenth step every night and thinking about where i may owe an amends is part of that process, also. i cannot think of anything that is keeping me up late at night, churning my guilty conscience these days, and this Eight Step should be more than an interesting one.
but enough of that. what the reading spoke to me about was the substitution of guilt with the cleansing feeling of the confessional. lovely way to make myself feel better at the expense of others. in fact that sounds creepily similar to some of my favorite behaviors that i used in addiction and still pop-up from time to time in my recovery. since this is really about learning to live without my defects and becoming the sort of person i was meant to be, i think i will take this advice to heart and see what good i can accomplish, and see what harm i can prevent, after all i do have control of how i behave!
so it is off to the errand mill, and into the breech, such as it were!
but enough of that. what the reading spoke to me about was the substitution of guilt with the cleansing feeling of the confessional. lovely way to make myself feel better at the expense of others. in fact that sounds creepily similar to some of my favorite behaviors that i used in addiction and still pop-up from time to time in my recovery. since this is really about learning to live without my defects and becoming the sort of person i was meant to be, i think i will take this advice to heart and see what good i can accomplish, and see what harm i can prevent, after all i do have control of how i behave!
so it is off to the errand mill, and into the breech, such as it were!
∞ DT ∞