Some memes

may set me free, but first, more than likely, it will piss me off! well day two of using oldie-goldies as my seed for this exercise. they may be tried and overused bon mots, but sometimes, they are as fitting as the first time i heard them. i guess today, is one of those days. i am generally consider my recovery as more than “bumper sticker” recovery that relies on clichés and slogans to get my point across, but the evidence of the past few days is, that when there is an apt one, i will glom on to it. 🤪
the simple fact that i came into recovery with a major chip on my shoulder, as i was only a felon, not an addict, might have tipped me off, to the notion that i would defend who i was and what i was doing with the most ridiculous claims, rationalizations and justifications, to prevent myself from even considering that i had to change. my fronting recovery and mere abstinence phases, only made me do my best to hide my true nature from those around me, as i thought compliance was better than avoidance. i was quite certain, that if i looked and sounded like the crowd, i would be fine and be able to go back to getting high. ironically that was not to be, as the evidence of the corpus of these writing shows.
this morning, as i read my source material, i reverted to an ancient and very familiar behavior of looking at how it did not fit for me, after all … when i look at how i have been treating my employer and the hoops i have been jumping through to do so, just because i was to chicken shit to say i wanted out, i get it. the reality of not being happy at work was me trying my best to get them to end it. well i certainly got my wish and now i am scrambling to find my next gig. truth be told, i have a bit of a cushion and would love to take the summer off, but i also know that for me, inertia is a bitch and not working and not job seeking for months on end, would not be a good trajectory for me to take. so i do the needful, make daily applications =for a new job, respond to the “body snatchers” and give my current employer that for which they pay me very well.
just for today, i may allow the truth to piss me off, but i can take that emotional reaction and use it to rocket me into reality. if i want to get a paycheck i have to pound out the hits. if i want physical fitness, then i have to pound out the miles. if i want emotional stability, then i have to fall back on spiritual principles. most importantly, if i want spiritual growth, i have to do my damn best to live the spiritual principles to which i ascribe, for instance: honesty, integrity and self-respect, just for today.

∞ DT ∞