Blog entry for:

Wed, Dec 8, 2004 05:47:06 AM


∞  naming defects  ∞
posted: Wed, Dec 8, 2004 05:47:06 AM

 

this has always presented problems for me. i do not really want to honestly name my behavior by its proper name. the example in this morning's reading of people-pleasing is perfect. putting a "spin" on a defect by choosing a "nice" sounding name allows me to continue to lie to myself about my true nature.
procrastination, sounds a whole lot better than saying i am too lazy or too afraid to what is in front of me.
saying "oh it is okay that you did that to me" and inside raging against that asshole and planning to "get even", may appear to me that i am being accepting and forgiving, when actually i am being passive-aggressive
and so it goes....
whenever i choose to "spin" my behavior it is a warning sign to me that something is wrong. my disease has taught me how to be an excellent liar to myself and i actually believe the lies i tell myself. that is why i have a sponsor, attend meetings and keep in touch with my friends on a regular basis, they can expose the lie and show me the TRUTH and once again help me to live another day clean.
self-delusion is one of the defects my disease likes to use the most, after all, if i hear the lie often enough it seems to be TRUE. my only defense against the self-defeating lies my disease tells me, is the process of critical self-examination that the steps teach me, a loving GOD, and my friends that share this journey with me.
while i will never be free from self-delusion or dishonesty, i can and do recover by doing what i have done since starting on this path.
∞ DT ∞

 

djtConsulting Brand
The views expressed on this page are solely the opinion of the author.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.

Another Look!

∞ spinning a character defect or three ∞ 387 words ➥ Thursday, December 8, 2005 by: donnot
δ sometimes my readiness to have my character defects removed depends on what i call them δ 163 words ➥ Friday, December 8, 2006 by: donnot
∞ i may have trouble identifying my character defects. ∞ 379 words ➥ Monday, December 8, 2008 by: donnot
« **people pleasing** just means i am nice to people, right? » 501 words ➥ Tuesday, December 8, 2009 by: donnot
† when i see how my character defects affect my life and accept them † 676 words ➥ Wednesday, December 8, 2010 by: donnot
→ i will call my defects by their true names ← 574 words ➥ Thursday, December 8, 2011 by: donnot
∅ as time passes, i am becoming progressively better ∅ 407 words ➥ Saturday, December 8, 2012 by: donnot
≈ to put it bluntly, people-pleasing means ≈ 504 words ➥ Sunday, December 8, 2013 by: donnot
♠ i lie about my feelings, my beliefs, and my needs, ♠ 640 words ➥ Monday, December 8, 2014 by: donnot
✌ calling all defects, ✌ 467 words ➥ Tuesday, December 8, 2015 by: donnot
¿ people pleasing, ? 704 words ➥ Thursday, December 8, 2016 by: donnot
🎏 seeing how 🎏 756 words ➥ Friday, December 8, 2017 by: donnot
💨 by clearly and honestly 💬 563 words ➥ Saturday, December 8, 2018 by: donnot
🌬 ** easygoing, ** 🌫 441 words ➥ Sunday, December 8, 2019 by: donnot
🌤 my defects exist 🌥 355 words ➥ Tuesday, December 8, 2020 by: donnot
🔘 less defective 🔘 512 words ➥ Wednesday, December 8, 2021 by: donnot
👨 i certainly am 👹 417 words ➥ Thursday, December 8, 2022 by: donnot
🕊 autonomy for 🕊 457 words ➥ Friday, December 8, 2023 by: donnot
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☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯

THE TAO TEH KING, OR THE TAO AND ITS CHARACTERISTICS
by Lao-Tse
Translated by James Legge

Book 2

3) Who is content
Needs fear no shame.
Who knows to stop
Incurs no blame.
From danger free
Long live shall he.