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help me see through the eyes of Step Seven and understand. so the hostage takers are back, and the incredible part, is that this particular newbie, is so clueless about what they may be saying and what i am hearing. it is more than amusing to hear someone use the language of recovery and speak with feigned authority at 45 days clean, it makes me ponder about what i was like back in those days. i had been through treatment, in-patient and two outpatient programs, i had been hanging around the rooms, and i quickly picked up the lingo and the jargon. of course of my survival skills was to become whoever or whatever i NEEDED to be to get what i wanted, so in those early days, i was certain that i needed to look and sound like a member, even though i was still quite some distance from making the decision to really become a member. i was here to get the world off my back, not that figurative monkey.
last night, my reaction to the hostage taker did come up in my inventory and there is no way that i can approach them at this time to let them know that they need to stop whining, sit down, shut up and try to learn a thing or two before opening their mouth up and letting all of us know how ignorant they really are.
applying the reading to my thoughts on the subject, i see this strikes a nerve with me, because that is certainly the sort of behavior i want to emulate. i want to be the most important person in the room,. i want to make others put their lives on hold and i want…
selfishness is at the core of my addiction and when i finally stop and look at who and what i am, i am amazed by how closed-minded and mean-spirited i can be. recognizing that and doing something about are two separate actions, and truthfully i can be comfortable seeing my shortcomings through the behavior of others, but am i really willing to humbly ask to have mine removed? there is a sort of sick and twisted bit of fun in allowing my character defects to run wild, and i have just enough grace, that most of the time, i can get direction to stop before i actually do damage to anyone else. this is, however a symptom of a greater problem, and interestingly enough i know the solution, but am doing whatever i can to avoid doing it. what is that solution? strike my camp in the middle of STEP 4 and move the fVck on! speaking of which, moving that is, it is time to head on down to work and make my daily bread. i am grateful for the reading today, and i certainly see where i NEED to go, but right here and right now, it is to the showers, it is after all a GREAT day to be on this side of the grass.

∞ DT ∞