Some memes

for my purpose is a very ironic topic for me today, as in the past week two of the men i sponsor spoke directly about finding their purpose. my reply just happened to be that i have stopped looking and am allowing my purpose to find me. in all seriousness though, all joking aside, for me this was one of the two burning questions through the first decade of my clean time. the other one being: why am i an addict? these days neither of those questions seem to really matter, i am an addict, without any doubt and my purpose seems to be living a program of active recovery. both of those answers are way more than adequate for me these days. before i go down for my deep dive: 

Jim E
CONGRATS on a Dozen (XII) years clean.
Brian T.
Congrats on SEVEN (VII) years clean.
Keep coming back.

as i ponder the events of the past few days, i realize that for me, letting go and allowing what is to manifest is certainly a great path to be walking on. my niece, for reasons not explained to me, has moved into my Mom's house, which frees me from my obligation to make the trek up there four days a week. it seems after the conversation with my Mom yesterday, she still expects that i stop by and say “hi” but after three years of trekking up there to look after her, that trek has come to an end, at least for now. i get the FREEDOM to have my afternoons back and to work through the feelings i have built up over the past two years since my Dad passed away. i can say that those feelings, while not repressed, need to be sorted out, written down and processed before i am willing to go up and see her again. i am tired of “serving” her and feeling as if i am part of the furniture. right here and right now, i am okay letting go of her desires and taking care of a few of my own.
now that i have calmed down a bit after the harrowing and very painfully slow drive into work this morning, i think it is time to get myself a cup of coffee and start pounding away at my next work project. i know that perhaps, my “purpose” for this day, is to enjoy what i have been give, live a little bit out of the shadow of my promises and obligations and revel in my new found freedom. i am grateful for what i have been given and just for today, i will make the most of what i got and be content with what i have.

∞ DT ∞