โ i begin evaluating others as i have learned to evaluate myself, โ
Posted: Wed, Apr 18, 2007 06:51:40 AM
with an empathy born of humility. as i watch others, and as i keep watch on myself, i can finally say, **i understand.**
what i understand changes over time and what i guess is that is part of that process also. here i sit smack dab stuck on writing my sixth step, and going through the process of becoming ready once again to have my character defects removed and up pops this particular reading about learning to be empathetic with others as they struggles through the shortcomings arising from their defects of character. all i can see these days are mine, and of course, as i see my shortcomings oozing out, i see the same in those who surround me, and my natural reaction is to become the judge, jury and executioner. yes i know it is an exercise in self-will as manifest through my whining and balking about moving forward into the step i am on. but of course i can easily dismiss this with the magic wave of the " i am just an addict and this is my disease once again " magic wand.
as silly as that sounds to me right now, it somehow strikes quite a chord, it is one of the excuses i hear all the time, and that i react to with a strong disgust, and yet, today as i think about becoming entirely ready it is one that pops straight into my head and out into cyberspace with an uncanny ease. here is something that i can BLAME my behavior on, and it is not far from the truth. you notice i did not say it was the TRUTH, it is just a part of the smoke and mirror games that i use to deny the true magnitude of my addiction. off it goes again, man is that an easy game to play.
so denial and blame-casting are still active in MY LIFE, HMMMM, perhaps i need to be a bit more understanding when i hear others playing the same game. oops, i got back to the point of the reading, funny how that works, so i guess this whole recovery gig is working for me today, too!
well on that bright spot, it is time to hit the shower and see how the rest of the world is doing today.
what i understand changes over time and what i guess is that is part of that process also. here i sit smack dab stuck on writing my sixth step, and going through the process of becoming ready once again to have my character defects removed and up pops this particular reading about learning to be empathetic with others as they struggles through the shortcomings arising from their defects of character. all i can see these days are mine, and of course, as i see my shortcomings oozing out, i see the same in those who surround me, and my natural reaction is to become the judge, jury and executioner. yes i know it is an exercise in self-will as manifest through my whining and balking about moving forward into the step i am on. but of course i can easily dismiss this with the magic wave of the " i am just an addict and this is my disease once again " magic wand.
as silly as that sounds to me right now, it somehow strikes quite a chord, it is one of the excuses i hear all the time, and that i react to with a strong disgust, and yet, today as i think about becoming entirely ready it is one that pops straight into my head and out into cyberspace with an uncanny ease. here is something that i can BLAME my behavior on, and it is not far from the truth. you notice i did not say it was the TRUTH, it is just a part of the smoke and mirror games that i use to deny the true magnitude of my addiction. off it goes again, man is that an easy game to play.
so denial and blame-casting are still active in MY LIFE, HMMMM, perhaps i need to be a bit more understanding when i hear others playing the same game. oops, i got back to the point of the reading, funny how that works, so i guess this whole recovery gig is working for me today, too!
well on that bright spot, it is time to hit the shower and see how the rest of the world is doing today.
∞ DT ∞