Blog entry for:

those who i have harmed. as a result of living STEPS FOUR through NINE i receive a new freedom that can end isolation.
there is no secret about the steps. especially steps 4 through 9. they are the steps that allow me to clean up the wreckage of my past. they are the steps that sit me comfortably in the here and now, and they are the step where real personality change takes place. they are also the place in the steps where the guidance and direction of my sponsor is not only desirable, but in my case and in my opinion, NECESSARY. listening to member that celebrated a clean date anniversary at a meeting lately, has convinced me even more of this necessity as well as the benefit of continual step work WITH THE GUIDANCE of a sponsor. however this is not a reading about sponsor hip and what that particular diversion was meant to provide was entry point into how much i am grateful for gaining the proper perspective of most of my past. i have to use the dang most qualifier, because i am in the middle of this process today, and a the piece of my past that is coming back to haunt me right here and now, feels anything but resolved or put into its proper perspective. that is as it more than likely should be and i will just have to live with it. coming back to my original diversion, listening to that member share on and on, about this and that, i was struck by the fact, that i that they do not have a sponsor. their behaviors are similar to other members who have time and decided that they can work the steps by themselves, without the direction of a loving outside influence. and that scares me, as i could see myself sliding into that world quite easily, especially if something dire and tragic happened to my sponsor. after all, one of my sponsees believes that i have all the answers. what he fails to realize is that he has yet to ask me a question, that i already had answered by someone else and that sooner or later, he will stumble into a place where i have no knowledge, because i have not been there yet. that day is coming and i have no fear about not knowing. what i do have a fear about, is coming to believe. like him, that i have all the answers and that somehow i have moved into advanced recovery that allows me to write steps in a vacuum, with no outside influence. i have seen the consequences of that behavior and it is not a set of consequences i desire or find acceptable and yet…
here is where i use the tired old bromide about moths and flames, to illustrate how attractive this looks to me and how even though i know i will get burned, and yet i still play around the edges. typical risk seeking behavior for me, and one of those character defects that is now finally becoming a bit more obvious to me as i prepare to embark on STEP SIX.
so yes, i desire freedom from my past and i also desire living comfortably in the here and now, and i KNOW of only ONE WAY for that to happen for this addict, the answer is: (drum roll please)
continual step work, under the guidance of a trusted person, commonly and affectionately known as my sponsor. that is my PATH to freedom and one i am willing to share with anyone who may be interested.

∞ DT ∞