ยท the fellowship has given me much more than simple abstinence โ
Posted: Thu, Aug 30, 2012 09:36:11 AM
i have been given a whole new life. i have had better start to my days, but today, i guess i can move on from a mistake i made yesterday and live with the consequences. what it all boils down to, is that what i think is not a big deal for someone else, just may be. based on past consequences, i need to remember that.
the reading on the other hand was about looking for the growth i have had, as a result of this new manner of living, instead of focusing on the places where i continue to stagnate. so even as i write this, i am finding a thousand other things to distract me. it is more than just like i want to avoid stuff this morning, it is that i am actively trying to avoid writing this. why? because i am afraid of stumbling into a mine field, the way i feel this morning. so platitudes, bumper stickers and tired old bromides are what i feel i need to write, but inside of me screams to be real, after all, this is my space.
with that in mind, this morning i am having trouble reconciling myself to the mini revelation i had about myself and my program a couple of days ago. what i have come to see, is that the core of my FAITH, in myself and the program of recovery that allows me to be myself is that is it IS GOD&339;s will for me to be clean today. as simplistic and obvious as it sounds, knowing at least that much of a HIGHER POWER's will for me, is strangely comforting and yet, as i deal with the consequences of a bad decision, i begin to wonder if that is just my fall-back position, instead of a true moment of truth.
as you can see, i am way in my head this morning and nothing i am thinking about even ,makes sens to me, so i think that at least this morning, the next right thing to do is to jump in the shower, and get ready to face my day of work. i know i need to go to client's office and shut some stuff off, as well as finish the project i have been working on for the past month, and all of that as well as cleaning up some recently bad decisions as well as some not so recent decisions is on tap today. all of this and so much more, and all i HAVE to do, is allow myself to bend to the will of the POWER that fuels my recovery, and everything will be alright.
the reading on the other hand was about looking for the growth i have had, as a result of this new manner of living, instead of focusing on the places where i continue to stagnate. so even as i write this, i am finding a thousand other things to distract me. it is more than just like i want to avoid stuff this morning, it is that i am actively trying to avoid writing this. why? because i am afraid of stumbling into a mine field, the way i feel this morning. so platitudes, bumper stickers and tired old bromides are what i feel i need to write, but inside of me screams to be real, after all, this is my space.
with that in mind, this morning i am having trouble reconciling myself to the mini revelation i had about myself and my program a couple of days ago. what i have come to see, is that the core of my FAITH, in myself and the program of recovery that allows me to be myself is that is it IS GOD&339;s will for me to be clean today. as simplistic and obvious as it sounds, knowing at least that much of a HIGHER POWER's will for me, is strangely comforting and yet, as i deal with the consequences of a bad decision, i begin to wonder if that is just my fall-back position, instead of a true moment of truth.
as you can see, i am way in my head this morning and nothing i am thinking about even ,makes sens to me, so i think that at least this morning, the next right thing to do is to jump in the shower, and get ready to face my day of work. i know i need to go to client's office and shut some stuff off, as well as finish the project i have been working on for the past month, and all of that as well as cleaning up some recently bad decisions as well as some not so recent decisions is on tap today. all of this and so much more, and all i HAVE to do, is allow myself to bend to the will of the POWER that fuels my recovery, and everything will be alright.
∞ DT ∞