Blog entry for:

Thu, Aug 30, 2012 09:36:11 AM


· the fellowship has given me much more than simple abstinence —
posted: Thu, Aug 30, 2012 09:36:11 AM

 

i have been given a whole new life. i have had better start to my days, but today, i guess i can move on from a mistake i made yesterday and live with the consequences. what it all boils down to, is that what i think is not a big deal for someone else, just may be. based on past consequences, i need to remember that.
the reading on the other hand was about looking for the growth i have had, as a result of this new manner of living, instead of focusing on the places where i continue to stagnate. so even as i write this, i am finding a thousand other things to distract me. it is more than just like i want to avoid stuff this morning, it is that i am actively trying to avoid writing this. why? because i am afraid of stumbling into a mine field, the way i feel this morning. so platitudes, bumper stickers and tired old bromides are what i feel i need to write, but inside of me screams to be real, after all, this is my space.
with that in mind, this morning i am having trouble reconciling myself to the mini revelation i had about myself and my program a couple of days ago. what i have come to see, is that the core of my FAITH, in myself and the program of recovery that allows me to be myself is that is it IS GOD&339;s will for me to be clean today. as simplistic and obvious as it sounds, knowing at least that much of a HIGHER POWER's will for me, is strangely comforting and yet, as i deal with the consequences of a bad decision, i begin to wonder if that is just my fall-back position, instead of a true moment of truth.
as you can see, i am way in my head this morning and nothing i am thinking about even ,makes sens to me, so i think that at least this morning, the next right thing to do is to jump in the shower, and get ready to face my day of work. i know i need to go to client's office and shut some stuff off, as well as finish the project i have been working on for the past month, and all of that as well as cleaning up some recently bad decisions as well as some not so recent decisions is on tap today. all of this and so much more, and all i HAVE to do, is allow myself to bend to the will of the POWER that fuels my recovery, and everything will be alright.

∞ DT ∞

 

djtConsulting Brand
The views expressed on this page are solely the opinion of the author.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.

Another Look!

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☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯

THE TAO TEH KING, OR THE TAO AND ITS CHARACTERISTICS
by Lao-Tse
Translated by James Legge

Book 2

2) There is always One who presides over the infliction death. He
who would inflict death in the room of him who so presides over it
may be described as hewing wood instead of a great carpenter. Seldom
is it that he who undertakes the hewing, instead of the great carpenter,
does not cut his own hands!