๐ค coming to believe ๐ค
Posted: Tue, Jun 25, 2019 07:27:08 AM
involves a willingness to recognize miracles for what they are? the answer to that question, which may rub many of my peers the wrong way, is that i do not see **miracles in coincidence** any more. the process of coming to believe, for me, went through that phase and has since moved on. where once my FAITH was wrapped in a cloak of mystery and DIVINE intervention, today it is centered in the notion that an addict, any addict, can stop using, lose the desire to use and find a new way to live. the POWER that fuels my recovery, provides to me the same support IT may provide to another, without prejudice or preconditions. i am clean today, because i stuck around for long enough to find a spiritual path that actually fits me. part of that path was learning to have a bit of FAITH, that i could step out of the very well-defined and handy box that i once shared with my peers and seek something more. by doing so, i GET to define myself as something more than the arrogant, self-interested know-it-all, that walked into the rooms and saw this whole HIGHER POWER notion as a sign of superstition. what my peers and others believe the face of GOD looks like, is their business and not mine. no longer do i need to fight to fit my notion of a HIGHER POWER into the box my peers provide. in that sense i am free and grateful that i am allowed that freedom.
the question then becomes that if i do not believe that i survived active addiction and ended up in the rooms, without help from the “hand of GOD,” what was the mechanism that CHOSE me to recover? the answer i come back to, is i do not know, and more importantly i do not care. through the intervention of the justice system and my desire to not be incarcerated, i GOT the opportunity to find a path to this way of living. where once, i did my best to explain and theorize as to the why, i now simply go that it was and continues to be. i do not find it necessary to chalk up my recovery to anything but a bit of luck, a ton of FEAR and the fiend that ratted me out, the rest as it is commonly said, is now history, mine.
as i was working the SECOND STEP, this time around, i stumbled head on into this notion. when i explored my past, especially those last dark days after exposure to recovery and before my clean date, i see that i was looking for a way out, even before i became consciously aware of it. when it came to looking for evidence of something more, assisting me on that journey, i came to see that the POWER that fuels my recovery has always provided the opportunity for me to choose a path that leads to the man i have always wanted to be. those opportunities are not given to me alone, but are available to any member of the human race, who chooses to wake up and be present for them. when i choose to look for more, i often find it, even without having to jump through all sorts of hoops. for me, the simplest answer, may actually be the correct one,. just for today, i am fortunate that i CHOOSE to recover and am given the opportunity to do so.
the question then becomes that if i do not believe that i survived active addiction and ended up in the rooms, without help from the “hand of GOD,” what was the mechanism that CHOSE me to recover? the answer i come back to, is i do not know, and more importantly i do not care. through the intervention of the justice system and my desire to not be incarcerated, i GOT the opportunity to find a path to this way of living. where once, i did my best to explain and theorize as to the why, i now simply go that it was and continues to be. i do not find it necessary to chalk up my recovery to anything but a bit of luck, a ton of FEAR and the fiend that ratted me out, the rest as it is commonly said, is now history, mine.
as i was working the SECOND STEP, this time around, i stumbled head on into this notion. when i explored my past, especially those last dark days after exposure to recovery and before my clean date, i see that i was looking for a way out, even before i became consciously aware of it. when it came to looking for evidence of something more, assisting me on that journey, i came to see that the POWER that fuels my recovery has always provided the opportunity for me to choose a path that leads to the man i have always wanted to be. those opportunities are not given to me alone, but are available to any member of the human race, who chooses to wake up and be present for them. when i choose to look for more, i often find it, even without having to jump through all sorts of hoops. for me, the simplest answer, may actually be the correct one,. just for today, i am fortunate that i CHOOSE to recover and am given the opportunity to do so.
∞ DT ∞