Blog entry for:

i am loved, does make my life far more livable. okay, it is true, i like to whine and complain about the state of my life. that is how i have been for as long as i can remember and even though i have been clean and in active recovery for a minute, it is still a place i seem to “like” to go to. my life these days, really is not a crisis after crisis, in an unrelenting stream of misery, no matter how i slice and dice it. although i hate hearing my peers say they are suffering from “first world” problems, i do get the point they are trying to make, that nothing is FVCKED. i have work, i have a home, i have my health, i have another day clean and have committed to remaining clean, just for today. all in all, the problems that are part of my life, as intractable and long term as they may seem, are actually not mine at all, as i CHOOSE to live in the solution and do what i can to support those who are part of my life.
when i sat down to write this little ditty, i had a notion of going in a totally different direction, a little bit of smoke and mirrors to hide the man behind the curtain. i know i am cared for and loved by more than a few people in this world, and yet at times, i feel as if i am facing this cold, chaotic and inexplicable world, with just me and my spouse. it feels that as we cling to each other, the winds of change is altering everything beyond recognition and in the end, we will not know which way is up. i know that is an over-reaction to what is happening in society today. i tire of the ignorance i see expressed daily and the lies i hear, over and over and over again. i wonder how anyone with any critical thinking skills could buy into them and yet they gain more traction, daily. all of that takes me down a dark path, to where the diseases grow and i wonder whether or not staying clean, is actually paying off. after all, it would be a whole lot easier to take the daily news, if i had a bit of something to buffer me from reality. then i wake up and see that no matter what is happening on the outside, i have the means to be protected, if i keep on the path of recovery, just for today.
those around me, can live in their ignorance, eschewing any modicum of common sense. they can live in their self-entitled world, believing they are “owed” something for nothing. in the long and short run, what they do only affects me, if i allow their garbage in. i can acknowledge that they are who they are and accept that they will remain where they are, until things shift for them. i can do my bit by caring and loving those who are part of my life and allow them to love and care for me as well. it is after all a“we” program and just for today, i am part of that we.

∞ DT ∞