๐ showing up ๐
Posted: Sat, Jan 24, 2026 12:55:03 PM
for my recovery today. willingness. there are times when i am all about being willing and others, well not so much. when one has been clean for a very long minute, one tends to let things slide. been there, done that got the T-shirt! when my source material comes around to the topic of willingness, i have to pause and consider whether or not i am still willing to do whatever it takes to foster my recovery today. this morning, as i sat and listened, the noise in my head drowned out any hope of listening to what i needed to hear, for at least the first ten minutes. i really hate being in that state and often i am not willing to let it clear. i want that quite and i want it now, DAMMIT! i know, quite ironic, forcing myself to be willing to let stuff be. the good news is that when it did clear, i heard loud and clear the notion that i can make the choice to show up for my recovery.
on my way to my home group today, i chose to stop and help a friend take care of himself. the fact is, at times i get resentful that he cannot do it himself, for a change, this morning i was more than willing to be of service for him. that change of heart, whether it is temporary or permanent, is a symptom of something going on inside of me, and for once that change does not scare me. staying sane and seeking comfort in the connections i have formed seems to have become part of who i am, when i was not even looking. 😂 i know that this new reality is fragile as the weight of who i was, still sends me dark and dank paths. when i am willing, allow myself to feel what i have, that happens less often.
today, as i get myself ready to take on retail, i can be okay with being something i still am learning to recognize. i “know” that i am still mostly the same man i walked into the rooms as, except that my innards have changed and my outlook reaches beyond my immediate desires and fulfilling them the instant they pop up. life in my skin is good today, and i am ready to step out and deal with public, in the here and now. it is a great day to allow myself the freedom to show the world who i am and to be willing to accept that it does not matter what they think!
on my way to my home group today, i chose to stop and help a friend take care of himself. the fact is, at times i get resentful that he cannot do it himself, for a change, this morning i was more than willing to be of service for him. that change of heart, whether it is temporary or permanent, is a symptom of something going on inside of me, and for once that change does not scare me. staying sane and seeking comfort in the connections i have formed seems to have become part of who i am, when i was not even looking. 😂 i know that this new reality is fragile as the weight of who i was, still sends me dark and dank paths. when i am willing, allow myself to feel what i have, that happens less often.
today, as i get myself ready to take on retail, i can be okay with being something i still am learning to recognize. i “know” that i am still mostly the same man i walked into the rooms as, except that my innards have changed and my outlook reaches beyond my immediate desires and fulfilling them the instant they pop up. life in my skin is good today, and i am ready to step out and deal with public, in the here and now. it is a great day to allow myself the freedom to show the world who i am and to be willing to accept that it does not matter what they think!
∞ DT ∞