Some memes

feeling i long for is peace within, based on nothing outside of myself. as i struggled to find something that spoke to me this morning, after the third strike, this little gem came to my attention. it is embedded in a passage about practicing spiritual principles as some sort of recovery ritual (ritual is in the word spiritual!). i have always been more obsessive about routines than what i think most of my fellow humans happen to be. i may not have OCD, but at times it may appear that what i do in a habitual manner may border on that. when i meditate i do it with the same blanket wrapped around me, on the same place on the couch, with the same stuffy in my lap, at the same place in my day and for the exact same amount of time. i could change things up, but why should i fuck with something that works for me, as-is. habitual, obsessive, ritualistic, the label does not matter. to me, what matters is results and my morning practice results in a bit of balance before i read the news, drink my coffee and step out into the real world.
when i stop, sit and listen to the void, i get that “fleeting feeling” just about every day. i would love to say that i carry it forward into my day, but the best i can say, is that in that quiet, i understand what that feeling is all about and the world around me, does not matter. in the depths, there is peace on most days, when my creative work or my less than pressing schedule do not intrude. in that quiet i hear by feeling and if that is conscious contact, than i have satisfied both the spirit and the literal meaning of STEP ELEVEN. as to what the will of the POWER that fuels my recovery may or may not be, well i leave that for another day. my true will for myself, however, is revealed and each and every day, it starts with paying attention to the world around me to take advantage of the opportunities to get what i need.
today, the rest of my life beckons me forward and i need to wrap this up. when i can let of of needing outside things and events to achieve some sort of peace and inner wealth, i get to be a part of my world. right here and right now, my goal is to let go of what i think i may need, as i am often confused as to what i need and what i want, and step out into this world fresh and ready to see what this day may bring.

∞ DT ∞